Farewell Lola Towers

The wonderful and perfect Lola Towers, August 2026

Before I left there were a succession of 'last times' - with the local Buddhist group, the Birmingham Buddhists and many other friends. My last U3A walk opportunity was cancelled due to the heat, and my last U3A board games opportunity was also cancelled due to the two leaders being busy elsewhere. I did manage to have lunch with UJ, who has just returned from Ukraine where she has spent most of her time since moving out about 9 months ago. She has persuaded her parents to apply for visas at last now that conditions at home are so much worse, and they may look for a place in Leamington.

Removal was delayed by a day, and while I thought this would give me some time to have a break I really did need that day for organising. I labelled everything with its destination room, sorted out all the keys (and only found two that I don't think belong to anything), separated out and labelled the things I didn't want them to take (like cleaning gear), and the things I agreed to leave for the new occupants. 

Then the team arrived bright and early, with boxes and tape and paper and bubble wrap, saw how organised everything was and asked me if I had a military background. Four of them took three and a half hours to pack and load everything I own into their truck, which also included disassembling a wardrobe and my desk right down to component parts. They went off and I took a break to have lunch then started cleaning, which took me four hours. When I was ready to go it turned out to be surprisingly easy to leave the house behind, and I arrived at Maternal Manor too tired to unload the car. I went to bed early, but couldn't sleep until the early hours, even though I was physically exhausted.

Next morning the truck arrived at Maternal Manor with just two of the removal men, one of whom was tasked with the unenviable job of reassembling the wardrobe and the desk that he'd reduced to matchsticks the previous day. He didn't do too badly; only a few unimportant pieces left over although one of the shelves in the wardrobe is the wrong way round which will bug me forever.

Now mum and I are completely surrounded by boxes, and it will take quite a while to get everything out and in its proper place. We spent an entire morning sorting through the towels and bedding to decide what to keep from our joint collections. The item that always causes the most grief - my wireless printer - proved impossible to connect until I noticed that mum's printer cable could be used to set it up wirelessly via a USB cable, which sounds counterintuitive but I followed the instructions and it worked beautifully. It can't have been too bad a move if the worst thing so far is the stupid printer.

So that's that, the end of an era - more than 25 years in Leamington and I'm now a Londoner again, back living in the road where I lived throughout my school days.

Local news of local people

Just an alpaca I met, October 2025

Following on from my last post, it turns out that UJ had confused the English words for vinyl records (which she didn't want), and the turntable (which she did). In the end she took the amp as well as the record player, and I delivered them to her temporary home along with the vases and lamps she had left with me, and some other random items of hers that I found. To store them she opened the garage which was stuffed so full that my precious turntable had to be balanced carefully on the top of a pile of other goods. I am trying not to think about the likelihood that it will be usable when she finally gets round to having a place to set it up.

Which left me with about 120 LP records, so I took them round to a second-hand record shop in Leamington which advertised that they would buy record collections for cash. They phoned me later in the day to offer me £120 for them, which I happily took. Together with my eBay activity, I have made more than £660 (and 12 Oaks) so far.

I'm focusing on just two areas at the moment - the garden and the Auditorium, where the water stains have faded now that the weather has improved. Jlf 6 painted over one area with stain blocker paint, and then I found another patch and took on the painting myself for a change instead of employing someone else. This is mainly due to the time factor, but actually there's an awful lot more to do and I'm thinking about getting help in just to get it done in a reasonable amount of time. Painting is quite a satisfying activity and I haven't messed it up or spilt paint on anything important so far (but it's not yet finished).

The garden is jolly hard work. Clearing all the paving of moss and weeds is backbreaking, and then there are the bricks. One person came round and took five of them away, which is lovely for them and five fewer for me but my estimate was that there were at least sixty more. I was talking about this to a friend who works in a school, and she looked thoughtful for a moment and then said that she might be able to help. Next day she texted that she would take them all, but it turned out there were far more than my estimate - after she'd taken all that would fit in her van there are still about a hundred left.

Before Christmas I went to a LETS social gathering where I met a couple who mentioned that they were looking to move somewhere nearer to the town centre. so I invited them to come round. I reminded them of the invitation recently, they came last week and delighted in the house and its location. The chances of this working out in terms of timing and finances are slim, but you never know. They are struggling so much with de-cluttering that they are employing a professional Declutterer to help them - who knew such people existed? I still haven't contacted the estate agents again and am definitely feeling some emotional resistance at the moment.

I'll end with two contrasting aspects of Leamington. First news item: a man's body was found in the river in the park at the end of my road on Wednesday, and a murder investigation has begun. A police flyer has come through my door asking for witnesses to anything suspicious on the night of the crime. 

Second news item: on Friday I went to a fundraising gig for the Peace Festival at a venue right next to the location of the murder, where three local acts were performing. I'd seen Benji Kirkpatrick before at Temperance; the second band (Satsangi) included one of my Buddhist friends, and the third act was a DJ - Dr Trippy - who is the husband of my LETS friend who also sings in the local choir I've been to see. One of the organisers of the gig and the Peace Festival is another LETS person who also helps to run the Repair Cafe...

Three other Buddhist friends were in the audience as well as a whole lot of other LETS acquaintances (including the couple who had visited my house earlier in the day), and I even recognised and said hello to the man who sold me my home music system. I was quite pleased that I not only worked out why he seemed familiar, but even remembered his name. It was a terrific gig. It's been a good week. No wonder I'm feeling some reluctance to start the formal process of moving away.

Moving forward

Jlfs 3, 4, 5 and 6 at work, April 2026

The Severn Trent Water investigation last week meant that there was no need to dig up the pavement, so the scaffolding went up before Easter in preparation for painting the front of the house (masonry and woodwork). I am tempted to skip the naming of these contractors (scaffolding and painting) given that I am hoping to need no more tradesmen before quitting Lola Towers but that would be tempting fate, so let's call them collectively Jlf. 

Jlf 1 is managing the project, Jlf 2 arranged the scaffolding which was erected by Jlfs 3, 4 and 5, and Jlf 6 has been doing the actual preparation and painting. There was much flaking paint and he reported from the eaves that the wooden decoration was at risk of actually dropping off, so the whole job is very timely. All of these people have been delightful to work with, although it turns out that Jlf 6 does not drink anything but tea and there were a couple of hot days, so I had my work cut out making sure he survived. The Jlfs arrived to take the scaffolding down on the next working day - I'm not sure they were the same Jlfs but it's hard to tell them apart: they move very quickly. They all called me 'Bab', which is a very Brummie nickname and made me smile. The front of the house is now eye-wateringly white.

In my regular GRUHI report there has been more eBay action - the vintage Meccano that belonged to dad received huge numbers of views and watchers but disappointingly just a single bid, so that buyer got a bargain. In contrast, the Denby crockery I bought about 30 years ago has so far brought in about £45 with more to come. And, because listing and postage were so easy, I put 17 old car and motorcycle tax discs on eBay and got a fiver for them. There's just no predicting what people want. The question of why I had 17 old car and motorcycle tax discs will remain unanswered; I don't have them any more, so that's a step forward.

I remain a regular visitor to the tip for both landfill and recycling, and made an appointment to take the evil gardening poisons there. The garden had its first mow of the year to reveal that grass is now about 30% of the lawn as 70% is moss. It's lovely and green and spongy so I don't care. The first car-full of garden clippings went to the tip too.

I finally got round to dealing with the bricks that were left over from the kitchen extension in 2019 by offering them within the local LETS group (the cashless trading system I'm part of). Who would have thought this would be the most attractive offer out of all the things I have tried to pass on? Three different people want them, although it might take a while for them to come and collect, and I have more potential recipients in reserve.

The visit from the Secretary of the Leamington History Group finally took place, shortly after I unearthed a treasure trove of historical documents when I was thinning out my filing cabinet. She was a strange bird, and seemed less interested in the history of the house than informing me that Wisden was probably not connected with the cricket ground despite people suggesting that he was (I had made no such claim). She has borrowed all the documents but said that her Group probably wouldn't want to keep them and I should perhaps offer them to the County Record Office.

I'm taking leave of my vinyl records too. One of the Buddhists kindly offered to digitise the five records that I want to keep, and in return he had the pick of the collection for himself. I've sold the rest to UJ - I didn't really want to because she doesn't have a settled home yet, and as far as I know she doesn't have a turntable to  play them on. But she did ask for them and it seems unfair not to let her have them as she does seem to like having things a great deal.

There have been some less arduous things going on too. A lunchtime organ recital was advertised at the nearest church so I thought I'd pop in, but didn't enjoy it all that much because the organist was frankly Not Very Good. U3A walking and board games were suspended for Easter and then again because of scaffolding and painting supervision. I spent a morning at the Repair Café advertising LETS and trying to shift a few more of my own things - someone with a very large garden took the walky talkies and I came away with two goose eggs. Apparently they're very good for cakes, but I ate them scrambled for breakfast and they were all right - I wouldn't go out of my way to acquire more.

Overwhelm

Woodland Cemetery, March 2026

I've been focussing on friends and GRUHI while keeping an eye on the water issues and also negotiating with the painter and scaffolder. I have a date for Severn Trent to investigate further, and a start date for the scaffolding permit. It's been a bit overwhelming, to be honest.

Anyway, recent GRUHI success stories include donating another box of stuff to a friend who works in a charity shop, another couple of bags to Action 21, and actually selling my tenor saxophone for real money, to someone in my music group who is collecting instruments on behalf of a Scout group. It takes a long time to list things on eBay so I'm only using it for the things that are either easy to send by post or are worth something - so far I've sold a Chromecast Audio device and my Clavinova electric piano, which gave me such pleasure for so many years but realistically I'm not going to play any more. And Lola II has one if I do get desperate.

I've been trying to keep in touch with friends despite feeling as though I'm doing a full time job at the moment. With various people I have gone for walks, seen a film, gone to a comedy show, had a Zoom call and a telephone call, and a coffee morning. In the last week I managed badminton twice, Buddhist group twice, board games, a concert, U3A walking group and spent two days with mum, accompanied by Lola II and Sister D for a trip to the cemetery to see dad's freshly installed gravestone. It was an unusually hot and sunny day and the woodland cemetery full of daffodils, including some on the grave that we definitely hadn't put there. Lola II placed a beautiful boulder she has decorated on the grave, and then we nearly got locked in as we hadn't really taken account of the fact that the cemetery closes at 4pm.

UJ is back in town, although she's staying with friends and is not sure where or when she will settle. She came round to collect the few letters for her that had arrived; we went out for a meal and it was very interesting to catch up. The winter in Ukraine has been particularly cold and conditions are terrible; she thinks her parents may be coming round to the idea of leaving. Nothing can be relied upon, no planning for the future is possible, and Russia has gained from the war between the US and Iran. More than four years since the start of the war between Russia and Ukraine and it seems no nearer to ending.

Getting stuff done

Random picture of delicious lunch in Gloucester, September 2025

After leaving mum I had a full weekend back home with three Buddhist events and a birthday party, and then drove south again so that I could accompany mum for a medical procedure on Monday (which went very well). There was a badminton match to be played on Monday evening, and the person who was supposed to play found herself unable to do so, so back I drove for that. I was relieved when Tuesday came and I didn't have anywhere that I needed to be until the evening.

I started with loads of laundry that has been generated by UJ's departure, and then investigated her room, which was in a fairly good state but needs a bit of work - one of the roman blinds was torn and there's lots of dust in the corners. I was thinking of moving back in to that bedroom, but it really is very cold indeed. Having said that, most of the house is quite cold at the moment. Another lovely empty spacious day on Wednesday (I really think I might be getting better at not filling my diary) and I took down the torn blind and made a start on mending it while listening to an audio book, then went to the cinema. Good times.

Finished mending the blind on Thursday. The lining is paper thin and tears at the slightest pressure, probably due to being exposed to the sun for about 20 years. I took down the curtains for washing and managed to get the blind back up again, then made a start on cleaning the windows and wardrobe. Lots more cleaning will keep me busy for several days, but I took a break to investigate heated blankets so I can warm myself rather than the house, which should be a whole lot cheaper. Ordered one for collection tomorrow.

Friday: my regular U3A morning walk and lunch in pub, which I've missed for a few weeks due to weather and everything else. The person who gave me details of recommended decorator was sad to hear that after said decorator visited and I found him utterly delightful, he has turned down the job on the basis of being 'too far away'. However, another walker immediately stepped in with a replacement recommendation. Aside from good walks this group is invaluable for local recommendations (the auction house for dad's philatelic collection was another that came out of this group). After lunch I collected the heated blanket and tried it out immediately; great success on the warmth-providing front but a bit more velvety than in the illustration. This makes it quite slippery as well as difficult to manipulate by someone who finds velvet unpleasant, but I will persevere.

Saturday: Continued to clean up UJ's room, turned mattress, replaced cleaned curtains, furniture polish in abundance, advertised unwanted glass coffee table and tennis racquet - not a hint of interest other than the usual speculative enquiries within a minute that never amount to anything. Sewed on coat buttons, reattached worn string on cord in shower room operating fan but need new weight to hang on the bottom. In the evening there was a fundraising Indian meal at the Buddhist Centre in Birmingham, and I ate so much that I didn't eat anything for most of Sunday, when I did more jobs before an afternoon with my fellow team members supporting the local Buddhist group. In the evening I went to one of the National Theatre Live screenings before driving south to mum's in order to be there when the plumber turned up again at 9 a.m. to carry on trying to work out where all the water is coming from in the kitchen.

A week in London

Natural History Museum, London, November 2025

Some time ago I decided that Lola Towers is too big for me. I've lived there for nearly 24 years, and although it's just the way I want it now and it's also in the perfect location, I'm tired of the responsibility of maintaining both it and the garden it comes with. I've kept it in good condition (at least since Mr A departed) but still there's the roof, the boiler, the shower, the paintwork, and everything else that demands attention, let alone the bills for heating a large Victorian house.

Following a logical train of thought with many considerations both of lifestyle and of finance, I talked to mum about the possibility of moving in with her. She seemed to like the idea, so this has been the additional motivation for GRUHI, for giving notice to UJ, and now for an experimental week's stay with mum. Lola Towers bid me farewell during Storm Claudia by letting water into the kitchen through a different part of the ceiling. I put down a towel, left a message for UJ, and set off anyway. It can wait until I get back.

While in London I shopped around for Buddhist communities. The nearest is actually the largest Centre in the UK, the London Buddhist Centre in Bethnal Green. Coming from one of the smallest groups to the largest might not be my best option in terms of getting to know people, so during the week I attended the Saturday morning group at the North London Centre, the Tuesday evening group in Hertford, and the Wednesday evening group in Chelmsford (as well as the Thursday evening meeting at the LBC). None stood out as the perfect venue so I'll keep my options open for the time being, and visit them all again another time.

Apart from Buddhist activity I've obviously spent some quality time with mum - we have cooked (she has been very complementary about the results) and watched a bit of TV together, and I taught her a new card game (after about three rounds she was already beating me). There are also all the jobs that need doing, including sorting out confusing emails, the change in mobile phone contract that Tesco unilaterally imposed, getting rid of a lot more of the paperwork accumulated by dad and generally making myself useful.

On Monday morning I took myself off to the British Museum. I feel such a philistine when I say that it no longer appeals the way it once did. I visited the exhibition about China from prehistory to modern day, and then I looked at the Egyptian mummies, and even though it was OK and mildly interesting, my pleasure was frequently interrupted by the thought that most of the contents of the cases were acquired from indigenous people without their permission, let's say.

In the afternoon I met Lola II and in the evening we met up with Mr M for my last 60th birthday meal (of three), this time at a Venezuelan restaurant. It took me four months to book the first one, and this one took place just ten days short of a year after that. I like to make birthdays last.

On Wednesday we had two notable events. First, a plumber arrived to help us trace a water leak, and by the way fixed the upstairs toilet flush (hooray). The water leak still needs more investigation, unfortunately. Second, two buyers visited to assess the huge collection of books that dad amassed, offered a frankly pitiful amount of money and took them all away. After cleaning the shelves we moved photo albums, cards and ornaments from the dining room to make the room look less bereft, and on my next visit I brought over some books from Lola Towers that I mean to keep.

On Thursday I planned a day out at the Natural History Museum, mainly because Mr MXF and BL2 suggested meeting there for lunch. I've been going there since I was a child, and while some of the exhibits are carefully curated and looked after (a corridor of minerals, endangered birds, the museum's 'Treasures'), the whole experience gave the impression of being just a little bit tired, with missing light bulbs, thick layers of dust and touch screens not working. 

The dinosaur exhibit might once have been cutting edge, but they have filled a gloriously decorated Victorian room with girders and spotlights and made the actual exhibits quite hard to see and the labelling hard to read - one case had white text on an orange background with no lighting and I have no idea what was there. The café staff were probably doing their best, but apparently when an order for decaf tea is taken at the till it isn't passed on (they had to take my receipt away to fulfil my order).

Mr MXF and BL2 were on good form - Mr MXF has succumbed to his genetic heritage and had a mild heart attack, so now he has a stent and a cupboard full of pills but is in good health otherwise. BL2 is enjoying retirement and has discovered U3A. I hope to see more of them next year.

And the saga of UJ as a lodger is at an end - she has finally moved out, although she missed the first flight she had booked, she was hoovering at 1 a.m. and her belongings took a little longer to leave the house, the last few boxes being picked up the following day. I am looking after a few lamps, vases and plants until she returns to collect them. She has returned to Ukraine for Christmas and New Year and intends to come back to the UK next year and find her own place. 

Success

Bookshop banister, Hay-on-Wye, September 2025

Time has been zipping along faster than something that is quite quick. Here I am already in the middle of next week.

First, a celebration. I started my weight loss plan in earnest at the beginning of July, and this week I achieved my target weight after a loss of 4.7 kg. The full extent of my weight loss is greater than this, because by the beginning of July I'd already lost a bit. However, my celebration is fairly subdued because I've lost weight before, and the part that I've never managed to achieve is maintenance. 

I still have a National Diabetes Prevention Programme coach - what happened on our latest call is she suggests that I do something, then I ask why she thinks I need to do that thing and she tells me all the benefits to my blood sugar or my weight, so I tell her the very good reason why that thing is not appropriate for me, and then tell her again and assert that she is not listening to me when she continues to advocate it. I have formed the strong opinion that her advice will not be useful to me, but her monthly call will at least make me accountable for keeping on track with my weight and eating habits. I have no idea whether it will work.

More success to celebrate - a year with Muscles the Personal Trainer and I am now achieving results that I could never have imagined when I started. For example, I'm pretty sure that we started with me lifting a weight of 2 kg, and this week I lifted 30 kg. Muscles says that with most people he tries to get them to aim for lifting their own weight, so there's still room for progress.

I got out into the garden before winter set in and mowed the grass and hacked down about three quarters of what needed hacking down. Other aspects of GRUHI are going very slowly but there is some small progress, and I met a very lovely decorator who will paint inside and outside but not until the spring. UJ's leaving date is a moveable feast but I think it will happen soon, and almost certainly before the end of November. I was going to write 'definitely' but you never know with UJ. We went out for dinner to celebrate our time together and it was very lovely.

There was quite a hectic visit to mum to celebrate her 93rd birthday during which Lola II cut my hair, Sister D joined us and we all went out for lunch, mum got her COVID vaccination, we visited an Eastern European/Asian supermarket, I got a parking ticket, we agreed the layout for dad's gravestone, I contacted the mason to find out what happens next, we agreed a date for the 'stone setting' (which will be attended by just the four of us), sang Happy Birthday accompanying an apple pastry that Lola II had made with a candle in it, and established that some emails mum had received were not malicious or spam but a new patient record platform that she had to sign up to in order to be notified of two appointments. Lola II took photos of the bubbling paintwork and blown tiles and forwarded pictures of the water meter taken by Sister D so that the plumber can assess whether he wants to visit or not. We got through quite a lot.

To finish - strong film recommendation. I Swear, which had me alternately laughing and sobbing and I forgot to take a hanky and had to go to the toilets afterwards to wash my face. Best film of the year.

It's been a good week

August 2025

I've taken over the task of ordering dad's gravestone in exchange for Lola II following up his brain donation pathology report with Parkinson's UK. The style of the stone has to be a particular type because of the rules of the Woodland cemetery, but there are still choices of material and wording and lettering. Lola II started the process and I phoned two companies for further clarification and asked each of them to come up with prices. I never knew how many choices there needed to be, but we're within a hair's breadth of placing the order.

Sister D and I went to an exhibition at the British Museum about Jain, Buddhist and Hindu art in early India. We agreed it was good but not outstanding. In local news, I went to a 'bring-your-own-curry-to-share' event with the local trading group, and as well as having conversations with interesting people I traded a digital radio to a couple, following which we had a discussion about how they might actually want to buy my house. It will be a good story if it comes off.

The U3A walking group is flourishing with 15 walkers of whom 12 stayed for lunch last week - too many, most agreed, because of the time it now takes to get us all over stiles, let alone the implications on food service in the pub at the end. One of the group who is a surgeon is going out to the West Bank to volunteer via a medical charity that supports the cause of the Palestinians. Another chap had routine blood tests and was given very bad dietary advice by a nurse about his borderline high cholesterol. Another person used to be a palliative care nurse who I asked about her views of the Assisted Dying Bill. More interesting conversations ensued. One person asked me what I thought about Prince Andrew and I was very glad to tell him that I had no view whatever due to my news blackout. This is not quite true; I have been listening to The News Quiz and watching Have I Got News For You, but really? Prince Andrew? On a lovely walk in the country?

UJ has been staying with me for three years now, and will be leaving me soon (at my request). As is her habit, everything is very last minute and nothing much seems to have left the building yet. The evening before the day we had agreed she would move out she admitted that she couldn't do it in time, and we have agreed a further extension. 

Because of this last minute approach she has been paying over the odds for train travel when she has to go to the London office. Recently she discovered that there was a coach direct from Leamington to Victoria once a day, costing less than a tenner, so she gave it a try. It leaves Leamington at 2.50 a.m. and arrives in London at 5.20 a.m. and I don't think she found the cost saving outweighed the sleep deprivation. On the other hand, the direct coach in the other direction leaves London at midnight and arrives in Leamington at 2.30 a.m. which is exactly what she needs after she's missed the last train. 

She told me the story of what happened the last time she needed to get to the office early for a meeting. She got to the bus stop in Leamington but the coach had already left, five minutes early. So she phoned the company who apologised and agreed to get her a taxi to catch up at its next stop, asking only for her booking reference, at which point she realised she'd actually booked the ticket for the next day. So then when her workplace opened she phoned the people who'd organised the meeting to apologise for her absence, only to find the meeting wasn't until next month.

A Whale of a Time

April 2025

Apart from the tourist trip to Warwick and the badminton volunteering, there have been a couple of other notable events recently. Following a pessimistic dental appointment I made a return visit to the periodontist, who agreed with the poor prognosis on two sites and recommended further 'regenerative' surgery of the sort that I had before (three years ago), but this time with extra bone graft. I really don't know what to think about all this - I can afford the fees and it probably helps to keep my teeth in my jaw, but it's a most unpleasant procedure and eventually they are bound to come out, so why prolong the treatment? Something to think about when the next crisis arrives.

I went on a day trip to Oxford to pick up Sister D and on to the University's Harcourt Arboretum, which (as you'd expect) has very fine trees, and we generally caught up with each other and had some serious and helpful conversations - helpful to me at least. I'm still dealing with a couple of mum's financial affairs which keeps Sister D and me busy trying to interpret mystifying correspondence and acquiring evidence of identity and address and signatures of everyone in the family.

Then I went on a solitary retreat that was longer than I've done before (12 days), taking all the food I'd need as well as getting jobs done before I went. UJ was in Ukraine for a few weeks and returned while I was away, so there was some anticipatory cleaning and tidying needed. I had a very thoughtful and fruitful time, meditating, walking, reading, reflecting and studying (in preparation for another, more academic retreat in September), but also doing nothing. The time flew by.

A couple of weeks before I went away on the retreat I had started a self-imposed news blackout - have I mentioned this? The news, especially in the USA, Ukraine/Russia and Gaza/Israel, had become too much for me to bear with equanimity, so I stopped watching, listening to, and reading any news media except for Radio 4 comedy and a couple of podcasts. Obviously on retreat I was completely offline, and spent quite a bit of time pondering whether to go back to the news on my return, and if so, how to achieve the right balance of staying informed without being overwhelmed.

I went for a walk with a friend this week, and was going to ask him to tell me in the briefest terms what I needed to know. He very quickly demonstrated that news has no boundaries, and even the most innocuous event is linked in many ways to other events that I would not wish to hear about. So I have concluded that it isn't possible, and have continued to be completely ignorant of all news, both domestic and foreign, and even stopped subscribing to the news podcasts (although I've continued with Radio 4 comedy). It's a strange, unnerving place to be, a bit like driving while wearing a blindfold. 

Up to now I considered it my duty to stay informed, and not doing so seems somehow irresponsible, or negligent, but several responsible and not-negligent people I've talked to say that they don't keep up to date with the news, although a couple of them said they sometimes feel stupid for not knowing what's going on. So I'm trying to let go of my self-view, and, for the time being at least, to focus on the fact that it's not only possible but preferable to step off the relentless cycle of doom and gloom, pain and ignorance, injustice and grief.

A couple of happier stories to finish with. I went to a delightful concert in a Leamington church which involved an adult choir, a choir of primary school girls, a small group of musicians and two solo vocalists, performing arrangements of two Kinks albums with the support and encouragement of Ray Davies (lead vocalist of the Kinks). I knew about it because one of the people involved in the LETS local trading scheme was singing in the choir, but in the queue for tickets I met one of my music group whose husband was also in the choir, and Nameless Man was also there (I'd told him about it but he wasn't sure he would go), and then I met the man in charge of my U3A board games group who turned out to know the LETS woman because they were neighbours and both trustees of the community centre where the Repair Café happens, and then I bumped into an ex-colleague from my last career but one.

The other lovely thing is that UJ brought me a present from Ukraine of a lamp she has made in the shape of a whale.

Buddhism update

October 2024

Our little local Buddhist group is an offshoot of the nearest Buddhist Centre in Birmingham, but we are supported by a collection of individuals known as 'Groups & Pioneers' run by the Triratna Development Team. Groups & Pioneers comprises people in a similar position to us, i.e. supporting a small local group, or trying to start one. The Development Team arranges an annual retreat, which I have just attended, and as usual it was thought-provoking and inspiring. I came home with fewer ideas than normal because a) we are now doing pretty much all we can, and b) I have adjusted my ambition for the Warwick group down from 'Grow to a Centre' to 'Continue to Thrive'.

On the way there I collected a friend who was flying in from Dublin, and then discovered that his flight home wasn't until the day after the end of the retreat. He was happy to accept the invitation to stay with me for the extra day, and rewarded me with a meal out and home-made pizza for me and UJ (and enough for about four other people).

He and his wife rent out a room in their house, and less than a year ago the Red Cross in Ireland placed a Ukrainian refugee and her traumatised 5-year-old son with them. It has not been a success, and while he was away the relationship deteriorated to the extent that he has had to ask the Red Cross to remove and rehouse them. So I was pleased that he had the chance to chat to UJ and find some reassurance that they were just unlucky with their guest. And I have been very lucky.

While I was at the retreat centre I also found out that the main cook, who has been there nearly a year, is off sick and unlikely to be back for a while. This puts quite a strain on the team even though they now have a deputy chef, and I love working there in the kitchen, so I suggested I might find some time to volunteer. But looking at the state of my diary, and trying to avoid my habitual tendency to over-commit, I have pulled back from offering any dates until April. I am proud of myself for doing less!

In a very unusual week I had five different meetings with different Buddhists over the last weekend as well as four more during the week in person and via Zoom. In between these I continue to have a great time doing all sorts of varied and constructive activities as well as keeping on top of the (much less enjoyable) admin. So I have no complaints, and life is feeling particularly pleasant at the moment, as long as I spend no more than ten minutes listening to the news.

Concert

Les Arcs, February 2024

Things are going to calm right down at last, with some days coming up having only one thing in them, and Friday to Sunday having nothing at all, which is probably a record. UJ will have gone back home to Kyiv so I'm looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet, in which I intend to do some walking if the weather is fine, and watching films. There may be nothing to blog about.

Meanwhile, our concert took place, for which my practice paid off and I experienced no significant embarrassments. It was different from our usual concert because we joined up with a small orchestra called Eclectica, which seemed similar to Lola II's music group. We (Coventry Arts' flutes, saxophones and clarinets) played the first half, there was an interval with tea and cakes, then Eclectica started the second half and we all came together for three Christmas pieces at the end. 

I loved the discipline of the orchestra, which reminded me of my school days. They tuned properly at the start, nobody chatted, they paid attention to the conductor... There are all sorts of tiny annoyances within our group - people parping when others are trying to tune (on the rare occasions when we do tune), people not having their music in order, everyone having to wait while someone finds a pencil, or drops a pencil, people chatting while another section is running through something, people just not listening then asking where we're playing from... There's one woman in particular who starts talking as soon as we stop playing and then invariably doesn't know where we're starting from. But despite these little issues I do enjoy the end result, most of the time.

Playing the baritone sax is quite tiring compared to the clarinet, and I had quite a lot to play so I wasn't sure I'd manage to make it to the end of the mass items. There was always going to be scope for miming among that number of people, but because of the break in the middle I carried on playing through to the very end. It was a very successful event in a much better venue than our usual cramped and freezing church - we were in a school hall with a stage - and the audience was much bigger than ours usually is. It was even accessible by train so UJ came along together with a man she's been seeing, who seemed very nice.

Smoke and mirrors

Tate Modern, November 2024

As well as the Assisted Dying event, I spent a lovely couple of days with Lola II and Mr M. We started with an Egyptian lunch in Knightsbridge - I was a bit early so popped into Harvey Nichols out of interest. I only went up to the food department, and concluded that it isn't a shop that I belong in at all. Then we went on to the Tate Modern, specifically for an art installation which beamed shapes of light in a dark room onto screens, and filled the room with haze so the passage of the light through the room could be seen. It was quite fun to play with the installation, although I really don't understand Art, especially Modern Art. It was also pretty expensive even though one of us got in for free thanks to an Art Pass.

Next day Lola II took me to an Art café where we each painted a small canvas. Looking at mine up close I didn't think it was all that good when I finished it, and I wasn't going to take it home. But when I was washing brushes across the room Lola II told me to look back at it, and it looked much better from a distance, so it is now in Lola II's house until such time that I can collect it - I wasn't about to take it with me to the demo and then onto the train.

Back home again, I went to visit my new friend (still nameless for the purposes of this blog) who fell off his bike and ended up in hospital with a broken hip. They gave him a hip replacement and sent him home after four days, when he was already able independently to make me a cup of tea - I brought cakes. We marvelled at our amazing National Health Service while also mourning its huge deficiencies.

Great progress for mum too, where we managed to replace her 2G phone with an almost identical 4G one, and she also achieved a price reduction of £7 by insisting on paying the price displayed on the shelf rather than what came up on the till. I am much less assertive that she is in shops, although I would say that she is a little too assertive on certain facts than she should be - the Blue Badge was not in the cupboard where she said it was, so there. Not until writing this did I realise that we could have parked in the disabled bays even without a badge - I think my assertiveness needs work.

I've had a few long, full days, but have been a bit more successful than previously at building in gaps between them, to the extent of not going on my Friday morning U3A walk because Thursday and Saturday had so much in them. This was the right decision. On Saturday I volunteered to staff the Leamington LETS stall at the local Repair Café on a day so filled with wind and rain so that hardly anyone came, then went straight on to my last music group rehearsal before the concert next week. The music this term has been so challenging that I've actually had to practise both saxophone and clarinet parts, which is probably a first for this group.

On Sunday, UJ announced that she'd joined a choir, something she's been thinking of doing for a while, and their carol service was taking place that afternoon, so I went along. She seems to have joined the Parish Church choir, which is somewhat surprising (she did say there was quite a lot of talking about God). The service was sparsely attended, which was a shame because I love belting out a Christmas carol among other enthusiasts. Unfortunately the bits between the carols reminded me why I really don't get on with Christianity.

Meetings

East Sussex, July 2024

There have been many meetings in my life recently, some of them containing more business than just coffee at a local place. The Buddhist team for the local group had an online meeting, so did my group of Buddhist women that I see regularly, and my study group is meeting in person until the end of the year. Continuing the Buddhist theme, we had a social event in my new favourite restaurant in Leamington (an-all vegetarian version of my previous favourite restaurant), and I've been to a couple of Buddhist events in Birmingham.

Aside from the Buddhists I attended the Folk Festival Venue Managers' meeting. It turns out that I am a Deputy Venue Manager (Communications team) along with another chap, and given that the actual Venue Manager is retiring, we are in charge next time. I am trying hard to be supportive without actually taking any responsibility, and it seems to be working so far. I won't be able to attend the next meeting in May, which will help with this plan.

I continue to fill my days with regular stuff other than the Buddhism - walks, board games, badminton, personal training and now more film than before. One of the U3A people I met through board games - the one who came to the film festival, and will probably have to be given a pseudonym before long - is interested in films, so I've been going to the Spa Centre where the afternoon performance is only £4.50 if you're 60, and a loyalty card gives you the seventh visit for free. It's probably the first loyalty card I've actually been loyal to. [Latest update - sadly my new U3A and film friend has fallen off his bike and broken his hip, so I'm on my own again for the time being.]

UJ has returned from her trip back home to Kyiv, and as has happened each time she's returned after going home, her English has deteriorated to the point that I have to make her repeat what she's saying several times e.g. to work out that she's saying 'faucet' instead of 'tap'. She will watch films at home with me, and we have several episodes of Taskmaster to catch up on. She sometimes invites me to go to the cinema with her, and often I accept, but usually regret it - the cinema is generally crowded because she can't go on a weekday afternoon, and she likes films that aren't always to my taste.

Mostly difficult stuff going on

Hlf, September 2024

Recently I visited mum and realised that I'd left one job so long that her email client (Outlook 2007) was going to stop working in less than a week - Microsoft no longer consider it secure because it's so old, and will prevent it from accessing her emails. So I swapped it for an alternative client, and the best part was that I also managed to upload her stored history of emails and her address book, which took a very long time but made me very happy to have achieved it. Then on the next visit I discovered that the new client was also blocked, and I managed to wrestle it to the ground and unblock it, but at the cost of losing all the emails that had arrived within a period of five days. Initially I thought I'd lost the whole Inbox and all the Sent items too, so losing just five days felt like a win.

I managed to go to the RSC to see The Merry Wives of Windsor. Whenever I go there, which is very seldom, I always vow I should go more. It's top quality theatre on my doorstep, so I don't know why I don't. And the roofers and my new glasses arrived on consecutive days in an expensive week. While the roofers were working I did a session of pruning in the garden - only three bags full, much more is needed.

Another thing that's been going on is renewing my car insurance. Over the years I have chosen to use a local broker for many of my policies - car, household, landlord insurance - but it has been well publicised that prices for insurance are rising. Generally what happens is that the broker gives me a quote, I go online and find the same cover at a lower price, and up to now they have managed to reduce their quote to something more acceptable. This time the renewal quote was £200 more than last year and when I went online the lowest quote was £170 less than this. I don't always choose the lowest quote, but the most common amount was still about £150 less than the broker, and they couldn't or wouldn't go anywhere near matching it. I don't quite see how they are going to survive on the High Street.

I've also been on retreat, which went very well - it was aimed at people who don't necessarily know anything about meditation or Buddhism, and so a) was much shorter than the heavy-duty retreats I've been attending and b) was at an introductory level in terms of teaching. But I chose it because it focussed on a topic that I've always found difficult, so I thought that starting from the beginning again might be useful. It was, but not in the way I expected. It was lovely to see people finding something they'd been looking for without knowing it, and to remember what I was like when I went on my first retreat at this centre when I didn't know who I was or what I wanted either. I've come a long way and all for the better.

I was going to carry on northwards for a weekend in York so arranged to drop in on H+B on the way. The York weekend had to be cancelled, but I went to H+B anyway, and talked about dismal things like the Office of the Public Guardian, Enduring Powers of Attorney, Executorship and Probate. But we wandered round the garden too, and admired the brickwork and freshly painted frontage of the house, and marvelled at the flat upstairs which is up for let at an eye-watering monthly sum. H is well, looks good, but is feeling his age (aren't we all). We agreed that the main thing for the avoidance of excruciating administrative entanglement is for H to remain alive for the time being, which thankfully he seems happy to do.

Folk Festival

June 2023

The main event for the last week has been the Warwick Folk Festival, where I have volunteered in the Comms team for the last two years. This year I also offered glamping services to two friends - they would have had to borrow or hire a car to bring their tent, so I set up my tent complete with bed, table, chairs, stove and tea and coffee so they could just bring themselves by train.

The festival runs from Thursday evening to Sunday evening, but I volunteered for an extra shift on the gate on Tuesday when contractors and team members started to turn up, and I was also in the Comms room on Wednesday when we were getting ready. The team leadership has been shared between two people for the last ten years or so, but both of them have been planning to retire from the role. I've been quite clear that I'm not prepared to take it on, but have been persuaded to share the leadership with another chap.

My tactic, if it could be called that, is to take an interest but to avoid direct responsibility for things. Luckily the other chap has not been so reticent, taking notes and photographing the Comms room so as to record what will come in handy next year. He even read the Health and Safety folder and provided feedback to the management team. One of the retiring team leaders wisely kept out of the way for most of the time, but the other was obviously finding it difficult to give up a role that he clearly loves, so he essentially continued to do it without really handing over anything in any organised fashion, we just had to pick it up as we went along. I'm sure it will be fine.

UJ returned from another trip home to Kyiv just before the festival and has settled in again in the usual way where I barely see her. As ever there's plenty of other business to keep me occupied. I have called upon a couple of roofing companies to have a look at three roofing issues: staining on the ceiling near the front door, the leaking roof lantern in the kitchen, and the disintegrating veranda roof outside. My hurty arm continues to hurt but very much less, and I have added massage to the treatment which not only helps (temporarily) but is very enjoyable. And board games, badminton and Buddhism continue to fill my life with satisfaction and fun.

Summer at last

Adhisthana, June 2024

UJ returned from her trip back home late in the evening and I was away to the retreat centre first thing next morning, so we didn't meet. Apart from her outstanding command of English degenerating a little to just being excellent, she seemed to be very well and made supper for me a few days later when I got back. Most of the time, however, we operate separately as she works during the day and barely emerges from her room until late evening and I am usually doing something else by then. We watch TV together by appointment.

I had just two days back home this time between stints at Adhisthana. One of my tasks within this period was to get the car through its MOT, which it managed on the second attempt after failing because of a seized rear brake calliper that also damaged the brake disk. That day also contained my board games group, which I continue to enjoy a great deal. 

The following day I spent with Lola II in Oxford - we had plans for several things to do as well as going to the Weston Library for its latest exhibitions, but we ought to know by now that after we've set aside time for talking there's often little time for anything else. We managed one exhibition, which was about Franz Kafka. I learned that he had a full-time job in insurance and only wrote in his spare time, he never married but was engaged three times (twice to the same woman), and he died in 1924 of consumption, outlived by his parents.

Then back to Adhisthana for my last week, and all of a sudden I had too much work to do, so there are a couple of threads dangling that I might have to deal with from home. Those last three days also included perfect weather, a summer solstice barbeque and a retreat for classical musicians, which led to me finding out that one of the women's community plays the flute. I managed to remember to take my clarinet and a book of duets, and we got together to play one evening.

The end of any service to the Adhisthana community is marked with modest celebration that includes snacks at the morning tea break and a round of 'rejoicing' -  many people gather and anybody can chip in and say something nice about you. I find it difficult to endure the attention, despite all the lovely things that are said. They also gave me presents - I asked for perishables only (nothing that I have to clean or dust), so I got a bar of chocolate, some incense, and a 'voucher' for any Adhisthana retreat in the next year.

So then it was home again in time to prepare for a visit by The Bursar and The Quiet Man. The Bursar was planning to run in the Leamington Spa Half Marathon on Sunday but hadn't done enough preparation, and The Quiet Man is having time off due to injury, so they didn't run but both came to visit anyway. The weather was probably too hot for comfortable running but perfect for showing them the beauty of the town, having an ice cream and sitting in the garden.

Back from the retreat

Tiratanaloka, March 2024

I was pretty apprehensive about the two-week retreat, because I didn't enjoy the last one (over Christmas and New Year) all that much. This time, however, it went very well. The topic was the ten precepts upon which Buddhist ethics is built - three about action, four about speech and three about the mind. The weather - well, it was Wales, but it didn't rain absolutely all of the time, and I managed a couple of long walks.

The main influence on whether I experience a good or bad retreat is the discussion group that I'm placed in. Last time there were only four of us, of whom one struggled to express herself in English (which is not her first language) and another just didn't seem to want to talk, leaving me and one other to carry the discussion, which was pretty tough. This time there were five of us, a very varied bunch, but everyone contributed in a constructive way. 

I came back from the retreat with a stinker of a migraine that put me in bed for the rest of the day. I'm convinced it was caffeine withdrawal, although during the retreat I always chose the teabags that were labelled decaff. This is the second time this has happened so in future I'll be avoiding doubt and taking my own certified decaff drinks.

When I got back it took a while to get through the accumulated messages that had piled up in all my different communication channels. I have visited mum and dad, mowed the lawn (but not trimmed the edges or done any weeding), went for a walk with a friend and his dog, went to Monday badminton, and had a lovely chat when I bumped into a previous landlord of the Pub Next Door. I also went to my monthly clarinet and saxophone group, and was reminded that the sax music is a lot more challenging this term for some reason, and I'm going to have to practise and perhaps even simplify some of it. 

UJ and I are not at home at the same time all that often when she is not working, but we started watching the new series of Taskmaster which is something we can do together. We also did a bit of coordination over our respective schedules for the next few months. UJ will be in charge of the bins and recycling for the next couple of months, because collections are on Thursdays and I will be away volunteering at Adhisthana (the retreat centre) from Wednesday to Friday for almost all of the next 10 weeks. 

I won't be in the kitchen this time, but in the office, trying my hand at marketing and publicity. The person who usually performs this role has gone to Spain for a three-month retreat, during which she will be ordained (accepted into the Triratna Buddhist Order and given a new name). Meanwhile, I will be doing my best not to make a mess of it all because I think I probably have the power to entirely destroy their website, and the access I've been given to their Facebook page and email account is quite frankly foolhardy.

Needing a break

June 2023

Since finishing my badminton volunteering I haven't been feeling like my usual enthusiastic motivated self. Not eating or sleeping well and just a bit reluctant to get started on three different bits tasks relating to the Buddhist group. It's a shame when Buddhism, which has become so important to me, feels like work.

UJ has gone back home to Kyiv for Easter and the house feels strangely quiet and empty without her. I agreed to play two badminton matches in one week which made me tired and I've been doing a lot of driving too - to mum and dad and to Adhisthana, the retreat centre where I previously volunteering in the kitchen but have offered to do some different work for three days a week for ten weeks. More details of this when it happens, but I needed to spend some time there learning about the role. I wake up at the usual time, so there is a cumulative weariness. 

Mr MXF won an award for something he did, and will be at a big exhibition in May. Despite having done some work around the product and the concept, I still have very little idea of exactly what it is, except that it involves metadata in broadcast media. I even managed to do some proofreading for him, which proves that you can proofread without really knowing what any of the words mean, and we had a quick chat about the exhibition and what role I might have there. Again, more will emerge about this if and when it happens.

I managed to schedule a day with nothing in it at all and quite a few walks and coffees and lunch with friends, so that helped a bit, and I'm about to check out for two weeks on a retreat. I look forward to more rest, more time for reading, walks, good food, and much less chocolate and Wotsits.

Two years

24 February 2024, Lillington church

Saturday marked the two year anniversary of the invasion of Ukraine, and a service was held in a local church. The tone was broadly Christian, and a few people contributed their thoughts, poems, songs and dance. UJ was one of the people who spoke for a few minutes about her experience, and read a poem. I'm glad that I went but it wasn't all that pleasant, partly because the row in front of me contained about six children who didn't stop fidgeting and talking the whole time. Also, there was a bit too much about God, who clearly doesn't have much interest in Ukraine, nor other parts of the world for that matter. Or perhaps, like Brexit, without God's involvement it would be worse.

The local woman who has been organising in Warwick District on behalf of the Ukrainian population from the start - helping them learn English, find schools for their children, apply for housing and lots more - is still working hard in that capacity. Most refugees have now left their hosts to live independently; UJ is the exception in that respect, but I'm happy to have her and I think she's also content to stay. The local organiser had a hand in arranging the service, and invited ITV to come and film. After the main service the cameraman arranged a repeat of a couple of the performances: a man accompanying his daughters on his guitar, a child reciting a poem and another child singing and dancing. He also interviewed UJ and another woman, and some of all this was broadcast on ITV news in the evening.

From this event, and from a subsequent Buddhist meeting, it is clear that UJ is sparing me much of the trauma that she is experiencing - being separated from her family and friends, some of whom have been conscripted into the Ukrainian army, and no doubt others who are wounded or have even been killed. She is, understandably, angry and filled with hate. I am glad that despite this she seems to manage to enjoy life in the UK. For example, last Sunday when her train was cancelled so she couldn't join other Ukrainians for a hike, she went to the British Museum. This weekend I am away, but my neighbour has invited her to join her for a few things.

There seems no end in sight to this or to other conflicts and wars, and the human suffering inflicted is more than I can contemplate. So I don't contemplate it, not until it is brought to my attention in this personal way. I can do no more than try to embody love and compassion, because immersing myself in the reality of war and politics will help nobody and will destroy me.

Just like old times

Kew Gardens, October 2022

It's been a week like it was in the old days, when I optimistically used to fill my diary on the basis that I don't have to go to work so I must have lots of time, and then I find that I don't. All the things I've done have been fun or helpful or both, but I need to remember to keep some days free of commitments because I was too tired for badminton and that will not do.

Since the last post I've played in a badminton match, went for a walk with the U3A, and did some work for Mr MXF which consisted of chatting to a young man in the television department of Currys to find out what his knowledge and experience is of HDR, one of the standards used in media and TV. Then with a clear conscience I journeyed south for the Mr MXF Christmas party, which involved playing board games, receiving party bags containing chocolate and toys, dinner, speeches (short ones), Secret Santa, and then back to the MXF/BL2 house to watch Barbie on his new super-TV and sound system.

On my way back north I dropped in on Lola II and Mr M for lunch and a film, next day I went for a dog walk with a friend, board games with U3A, gave blood, fitted in a meeting for coffee with my friend from Brazil who has come home to try and sort out some financial stuff, drove to mum and dad for lunch and admin (ongoing communication with Thames Water in particular) and home in time for a Blues gig at my favourite Temperance bar.

Next day I met Lola II in Oxford, a bit later than planned because she had an senior moment which led to her finding herself at Heathrow airport by mistake. But we had a lovely lunch in a friendly pub and went to the Weston Library again - they have really interesting exhibitions, this time about Chaucer, the Alphabet and John Playford ('The Dancing Master').

Then I was back with the U3A walkers before being visited by Sister D and her husband, who treated me to a poinsettia and a curry and I treated them to an episode of Taskmaster (an old episode) and a bed for the night. They carried on to their destination while I had my Christmas concert. Due to the absence of a few key players I ended up sight reading the 4th clarinet parts which had a few unexpected solos, but I managed not to let the side down.

UJ returned from her trip to Kyiv two weeks ago, but Saturday was the first evening that we were both at home, so we caught up with a couple of the latest Taskmaster episodes. She's off again in about a week and I'm not sure we'll have any other evenings together before she goes. Then there was a coffee morning social with the Buddhists on Sunday morning, two Buddhist-related Zoom meetings as well as the usual Tuesday evening meetings. Thankfully, next week is due to be much quieter.