What I've been reading

Mind In Harmony
by Subhuti

"The author describes the mind from the Buddhist point of view, and shows how such knowledge can help us live a more satisfactory life."

This is a set text for a retreat I'm attending, otherwise I don't think I would have gone near it. I am thoroughly baffled by psychology, don't have much insight into my own mind, and find the incessant listing of types of this and that quite irritating. So the idea of 51 mental events consisting of constants, intensifiers, positives, afflictions, secondary afflictions and variables is not my cup of tea. But I've done my reading so let's hope the retreat helps me understand the subject better.

A Fine Balance
by Rohinton Mistry

narrated by Vikas Adam

"The time is 1975. The government has just declared a State of Emergency, and four strangers - a spirited widow, a young student, and two tailors who have fled the caste violence of their native village - are thrust together, forced to share one cramped apartment and an uncertain future."

I came upon books about the Indian subcontinent by accident. I write 'Indian subcontinent' because my grasp of nationality is not accurate there, but there has been Salman Rushdie, Arundhati Roy, R. K. Narayan, V. S. Naipaul, M. M. Kaye and probably more that I don't remember, and I have enjoyed reading all of them. It's not easy reading, and this book has its share of terrible events, but all these authors have managed to evoke something that I can connect with. I have never been to India, and I don't think I particularly want to go there, but I certainly love reading about it. This book is set in the 1970s during the 'Emergency' declared by Indira Gandhi, and life for the poor is mostly uncertain and terrible, and the end is not happy, but it was satisfying to read, and that is what I look for in my books.

The Songlines
by Bruce Chatwin

"The songlines are the invisible pathways that criss-cross Australia, ancient tracks connecting communities and following ancient boundaries. Along these lines Aboriginals passed the songs which revealed the creation of the land and the secrets of its past. "

Like Indian stories, I remember reading about Australia in the past, and finding the huge bulk of Robert Hughes' seminal work 'The Fatal Shore' surprisingly readable and enjoyable. This book has been on my shelves among books that are there because I love them, but re-reading has been such a disappointment that I'm not sure why I ever kept it.

Brewster's Millions
by George Barr McCutcheon

narrated by Bronson Pinchot

"With the passing of his beloved grandfather, Monty Brewster inherits a long-anticipated million dollars. But he suddenly discovers that he can inherit seven times as much from his eccentric uncle if he spends every cent of his grandfather's money within a year."

An entertaining book well narrated, and good enough that it's been made into a film more than once. I can't help thinking that if I were in a similar position I'd be very happy with the first million, especially as this was written in 1902 when a million dollars was worth even more than it is today.

It's Not Out There
by Danapriya

"Most of us constantly look outside ourselves for something: happiness, love, contentment. But this something is not out there. It is within us. This book uncovers the fertile ground of your own potential, and enables you to live the life you are here for."

Another Buddhist book, a fairly lightweight one this time. I think I bought it after the author did his book tour via Zoom and seemed a very personable chap. I think it would be a useful introduction to Buddhist principles (if not Buddhism itself) for someone who was dissatisfied with their life and wanted some ideas.

Back pain and damp

Malvern, May 2021

I left you in pain at the end of the last blog post with my hurty knee and hip. By Tuesday this had progressed to dreadful spasms of my lower back muscles. I could be entirely comfortable standing, sitting or lying still, especially with a hot water bottle on my lower back, but most movement caused shooting pains.

Despite this I decided to go to mum's birthday celebration, as both Lola II and Sister D would be coming too. Sitting down to lunch along with dad as well we decided that this was probably the first time the five of us had eaten together at this same table for between 30 and 40 years - either one of us had been elsewhere or there had been husbands, children/grandchildren or other guests present. It was lovely. Mum reflected that if she'd been asked 10 years ago, she wouldn't have believed she'd still be with us. We're hoping to do the same for dad's birthday next year.

In the evening I went over to see a friend I used to go to school with who now lives locally. One of her daughters also went to the same school, which has changed in 45 years from being almost exclusively white (there were two non-white girls in my year) to being nearly completely non-white, and now focussing strongly on 'STEM' subjects: science, technology, engineering and maths. Most pupils go on to study medicine, dentistry and pharmacy. I suppose this must reflect the change in local population too. Apart from the 'old timers' like my parents who have been there more than 50 years, the newer residents tend to be from Asian backgrounds.

I drove on from there to see a friend in Dartford, then drove home. The state of my back wasn't great, but sitting and driving weren't too bad so I didn't cancel my vaccination shift on Friday. I really should have. It lasted 11 hours, and by the time I got home I managed a cup of tea and slice of toast then lay on my huge comfortable soft sofa with a hot water bottle as the pain gently melted away. It was a struggle to get up to bed, but I was nearly pain-free next morning. Unfortunately, getting up and moving around still generated the muscle spasms so the pain returned during the day, but at least I had no more work or travel to do and could spend more time immobile.

Since then I've been mostly resting, interspersed with watching television, communicating online and trying not to drop things that need picking up. Thankfully I haven't had any trouble sleeping. I think it's improving slowly, but it's already been a week and I'm a bit fed up with the pain and lack of mobility.

And then, a huge setback for the LTRP. The auditorium (front room adjacent to the street) has been smelling a bit musty for about a month, and I finally investigated and found damp around all the outside walls rising from the skirting board. Well, with the last rooms about to be decorated, Lola Towers was probably imagining that attention might soon be diverted from serving its needs on a full time basis, and decided to remind me of its importance. I've called the damp men back in to have a look.

Weekend with Caddie

November 2021

My first Guide Dog boarder has been a black Labrador/Retriever cross called Caddie, 18 months old and about six weeks into her Guide Dog training. I was introduced to her at the training centre where she seemed very pleased to meet me, jumping up and generally being far too excited for quite a long time. This was mentioned as something that might be a problem if I were introducing her to visitors, but I reassured the trainer that I wasn't expecting any visitors. 

As a boarding volunteer I was given a collar, leash and harness for the dog, which I keep afterwards for any future dogs. I was also given a bag containing food for the weekend already weighed into bags, some poo bags, a sachet of special treats (disgusting stinky whole dried sprats), some food-based toys and three of Caddie's favourite soft toys - a moose, a duck and a big teddy. I was shown how to put the harness on her (it's a bit complicated) and how to get her in and out of the car. We practised that a few times. There was a lot to remember! Then off we went, and I began to feel the responsibility of what I had taken on.

As I drove the short distance home, I realised that I would need to plan my approach when we got there - how was I going to safely get the car in the garage and the dog out of the car and carry all the bags and shut the garage door and open the front door with only two hands?

After I'd managed all that, I introduced Caddie gradually to the downstairs rooms and the garden. Thankfully she didn't show any interest in going upstairs, at least not to start with. Of course she definitely preferred lying on the carpets and rugs to the tiles, hard wood and laminate flooring. She understood where her bed was, and didn't try to get up on the furniture, and was calm and quiet and didn't get excited at all while she was in the house with me, not even when there were fireworks going off and she was in the garden. I decided to sit down and have a cup of tea and think about what to do next, and she brought her toys and had a lie down next to me. It couldn't have got off to a better start.

The evening continued without incident, and because I'd been told not to leave her overnight in a room with a sofa, her bed had to be in the hall. Either I would have to shut her in there, in which case I wouldn't be able to hear her if there was a problem, or I could make up a bed for myself on the living room sofa. It's a very large and comfortable sofa so it wasn't a problem for me to sleep there on Friday and on Saturday, and everything was fine, and Caddie kindly brought me a toy when she could hear that I'd woken up. On Sunday night I shut her in and slept upstairs, and that was fine too even though I didn't get a toy brought to me in the morning.

On Saturday I'd arranged to go for a walk with friends who have been boarding Guide Dogs for a little while - they now have their third dog, who happens to be Caddie's brother from the same litter. They were very excited to meet each other, but calmed down a bit while they walked. Caddie wasn't walking with a loose leash like I'd been shown at the centre, but I put it down to the excitement of being with her brother. It was a long walk, and I was pulled along the whole time, but I thought I'd address it the following day when we'd go for a quieter walk on our own.

Well, the pulling continued on Sunday. I tried all the techniques I'd been shown - standing still, doing a complicated figure of eight move, using the relevant command ('Steady') but nothing worked. Worse still, whenever a dog appeared (and there are A LOT of dogs in Leamington on a Sunday) Caddie pulled as hard as she could to get up close and play and wouldn't pay any attention to anything else while the dog was there. I'd planned to do a longish circuit of the common but cut the whole thing short and brought her back after about 20 minutes. The worst thing is that all the pulling has brought back the right hip and left knee pain that was previously caused by running and which I spent so long sorting out with rest and physiotherapy.

Monday morning came and I was more confident of reversing the whole process of opening front door, opening garage, bag and dog into car. Except that Caddie had other ideas, and really didn't fancy jumping into the car. I had the opportunity to chat with a couple of my lovely neighbours who happened to be passing while this situation developed, but when they'd gone I got out one of the horrible stinky dried fish treats (which I had to touch with my actual hand) and in she went like a dream.

I've given a bit of feedback to the trainer, and asked her to call me if she wants the full story. Then I'll be waiting to hear from the volunteer coordinator about what happens next.

Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth

Email, a dog and a demo

June 2021

Despite not having a full time permanent job, I feel that I have been stretching myself too thinly by agreeing to anything that I'm offered to do. It's been a long time since the last blog post and much has been going on. I have been on a demo (more on this later), had an interesting discussion with the dentist, played badminton, attended a lovely day with my Buddhist group, started running again with the help of new shoes (no knee problems so far), did an 11 hour vaccinating shift, and entertained another guest at the weekend who came to a gig with me. 

I also achieved a significant step forward with the website work for Mr MXF, and simultaneously deactivated my family email. I have been working out how to move a number of domains that Mr MXF hosts for friends and family from a flaky unreliable server to a lovely new home. We were getting very close, the new server was all set up and all the test domains were working, so it was time to do it for real. What I hadn't understood, and maybe you won't either, was the the old host included a mail server and the new one didn't. Which is why the email broke when we moved.

I had to spend quite a lot of time moving that one domain back to the old server to make the family email work again before considering how to fix the problem. The first attempt to fix it didn't work because the mail client used by mum and dad is very, very old (1997 vintage) and I don't want them to have to learn a new interface. The second attempt was successful, and what's more the new way of working means much less spam reaching the client end. I once heard a transplant surgeon describe how happy he feels to see urine passing out of a new kidney after a transplant, and my delight at seeing emails being sent and received was probably similar.

Before all this happened, I was honoured by a visit from mum, who was conveyed back and forth by Lola II. She reviewed all the changes wrought by the LTRP and pronounced them very fine, we ate, drank and were merry and had brunch in Leamington on Sunday which was very tasty but very badly served. The very next day Sister D came for a visit, and helped me a great deal by listing on Freegle all the superfluous items that I retrieved from storage in the loft. In return I treated her to a much better lunch at a different establishment in Leamington (which had been full when we tried going there with mum). Nearly all the things we listed have now been collected, and I have also collected a second hand dog bed and dog bowls, so I'm ready for my first canine boarder.

Yes, I went to the Guide Dogs centre for a training session - training for me, not the dog, which was five weeks in to its programme and doing pretty well except for not wanting to sit when asked. I learned how to get it in and out of the car and quite a few other commands, as well as how to stop it pulling on the leash. I was very happy with how it went, and so was the trainer, and my first dog will be coming to stay very soon.

The demo was outside the House of Lords to support the second reading of the Assisted Dying Bill, organised by the Dignity in Dying organisation, and there were probably more than 100 people there. We were offered a T-shirt or a hoodie with the Dignity in Dying logo, and a placard, and I chatted with lots of different people who were there for all sorts of reasons. I met someone who also lives in Leamington Spa, and I'm told by other friends that a woman was there who went to the same senior school as me. Many had personal experience of helping a family member to travel to Dignitas in Switzerland, and there were doctors and palliative care workers and a few speakers including Baroness Meacher (who had put forward the Bill). George Carey (former Archbishop of Canterbury) came out towards the end of the debate to say how confident he was that it would pass because the vast majority of those who spoke had been in favour. Getting it through the House of Commons will be a whole lot harder, though.

Now I'm going to have a couple of days off to do all the things that have been waiting for my attention, but I'll do them slowly and have lots of breaks!