Unpacking

May 2026

The box emptying continues, along with whittling down our joint possessions to something more manageable. My email is full to the brim with admin relating to both a change of address and transferring the bills to my name. It doesn't feel possible that I moved in only a week ago.

I have finally found a 'normal' badminton club, in Epping. When I was growing up here it is peculiar that we didn't travel in that direction - music school and most of my friends and the synagogue were south east, into London by tube was south west, and we might go up the M11 to Harlow or Cambridge, or maybe to High Beech where we picked blackberries and climbed trees. But Epping, Ongar, Abridge and the rest of Essex might as well have been on the moon, even though they are just as easy to get to as Ilford, Romford, Stratford and Walthamstow. I am learning fast about the geography of Essex and find it to be nicer than our adjacent London boroughs. But that is because I can drive. Public transport will take me much more efficiently into London than to the villages and towns of Essex.

In between unpacking and doing the admin I continue to frequent the local cinemas, mainly the Odeon in South Woodford for standard fare and the Forest Cinema in Walthamstow for more esoteric choices. This week I went to the Forest for the film about the chef Anthony Bourdain, then the Odeon for straight up dinosaur excitement. Mum has been preoccupied with gardeners - now that she can't look after the garden personally she has entrusted it to a variety of different folk, who for various reasons have not been satisfactory. She interviewed another one this week. I am keeping my head down on this one.

My school friend (who now lives in Nottingham) was my very first visitor at Maternal Manor. I'll have to give him some sort of pseudonym, which I have managed to avoid so far - he will henceforth be known as Doc, which is his moniker on any public-facing internet platform because he is an educator and doesn't want to be visible to his students. His sister lives round the corner where my infants and junior schools are, and she was looking after their mother until her death in July. 

His career has taken him all over the world, including long spells working in China, Indonesia and Malaysia, and his strong opinion, often stated, used to be that he could never set up a home outside London. Then he had to move to Nottingham and discovered, like the rest of us, that London has its pros but also very much its cons, and he now appreciates the provincial life. But his sister has many children and grandchildren and he has a strong connection to his family (he and his wife, Ms S, have no children) so he'll probably be in my neighbourhood quite a bit.

Lola II visited specifically to give me a hand with the unpacking, at which she performed excellently and was very welcome. She came up with ideas for where to put things, did some filing for me, entertained mum, and generally fulfilled her other designated role of 'responsible for morale'.

As a break from unpacking duties I spent Friday in London. The plan was to visit the V&A (it doesn't seem to be called the Victoria and Albert Museum any more) and then attend a Proms concert at the Albert Hall. But the free guided tour of the V&A was cancelled and after looking at the rooms containing Buddhist art I really couldn't raise enough enthusiasm for the rest of it. On the other hand, the Proms concert was terrific. I was given a free upgrade from a seat in the top circle to a box, and I really enjoyed the music - it was a Dutch-Turkish psychedelic folk-rock band backed by the BBC Symphony Orchestra. Not everyone's cup of tea perhaps, but I loved it.

Local news of local people

Just an alpaca I met, October 2025

Following on from my last post, it turns out that UJ had confused the English words for vinyl records (which she didn't want), and the turntable (which she did). In the end she took the amp as well as the record player, and I delivered them to her temporary home along with the vases and lamps she had left with me, and some other random items of hers that I found. To store them she opened the garage which was stuffed so full that my precious turntable had to be balanced carefully on the top of a pile of other goods. I am trying not to think about the likelihood that it will be usable when she finally gets round to having a place to set it up.

Which left me with about 120 LP records, so I took them round to a second-hand record shop in Leamington which advertised that they would buy record collections for cash. They phoned me later in the day to offer me £120 for them, which I happily took. Together with my eBay activity, I have made more than £660 (and 12 Oaks) so far.

I'm focusing on just two areas at the moment - the garden and the Auditorium, where the water stains have faded now that the weather has improved. Jlf 6 painted over one area with stain blocker paint, and then I found another patch and took on the painting myself for a change instead of employing someone else. This is mainly due to the time factor, but actually there's an awful lot more to do and I'm thinking about getting help in just to get it done in a reasonable amount of time. Painting is quite a satisfying activity and I haven't messed it up or spilt paint on anything important so far (but it's not yet finished).

The garden is jolly hard work. Clearing all the paving of moss and weeds is backbreaking, and then there are the bricks. One person came round and took five of them away, which is lovely for them and five fewer for me but my estimate was that there were at least sixty more. I was talking about this to a friend who works in a school, and she looked thoughtful for a moment and then said that she might be able to help. Next day she texted that she would take them all, but it turned out there were far more than my estimate - after she'd taken all that would fit in her van there are still about a hundred left.

Before Christmas I went to a LETS social gathering where I met a couple who mentioned that they were looking to move somewhere nearer to the town centre. so I invited them to come round. I reminded them of the invitation recently, they came last week and delighted in the house and its location. The chances of this working out in terms of timing and finances are slim, but you never know. They are struggling so much with de-cluttering that they are employing a professional Declutterer to help them - who knew such people existed? I still haven't contacted the estate agents again and am definitely feeling some emotional resistance at the moment.

I'll end with two contrasting aspects of Leamington. First news item: a man's body was found in the river in the park at the end of my road on Wednesday, and a murder investigation has begun. A police flyer has come through my door asking for witnesses to anything suspicious on the night of the crime. 

Second news item: on Friday I went to a fundraising gig for the Peace Festival at a venue right next to the location of the murder, where three local acts were performing. I'd seen Benji Kirkpatrick before at Temperance; the second band (Satsangi) included one of my Buddhist friends, and the third act was a DJ - Dr Trippy - who is the husband of my LETS friend who also sings in the local choir I've been to see. One of the organisers of the gig and the Peace Festival is another LETS person who also helps to run the Repair Cafe...

Three other Buddhist friends were in the audience as well as a whole lot of other LETS acquaintances (including the couple who had visited my house earlier in the day), and I even recognised and said hello to the man who sold me my home music system. I was quite pleased that I not only worked out why he seemed familiar, but even remembered his name. It was a terrific gig. It's been a good week. No wonder I'm feeling some reluctance to start the formal process of moving away.

Visiting and being visited

Lola Towers, January 2026

It's been very cold indeed. Lola II and I forgot that she really shouldn't visit Lola Towers during the winter, so she enjoyed my new heated blanket while also serving as encouragement to my ongoing efforts at shedding surplus stuff. With her help I took down quite a few items from the loft, but the most excellent service she provided was to thread the lace back into the cuff of my Wellington boot, which took a very long time. She also modelled various items that I was offering to particular people, sang songs in the car with me when we were held up on the motorway for an hour, made tea, and was generally in charge of Morale.

I continued to attempt to give away my huge bookcase, with several enquiries leading to nothing, but finally someone who was serious took it away. I was expecting its removal to reveal horrors in the wall behind it but nothing horrific emerged, so that's one bullet dodged. I imagine that many people are not looking to spend much money in January, so I'll be trying to sell the few items of value that I have in February or March.

Trips I have made - one to the north where we ate pizza and congratulated one another on progress made in various aspects of life; one to mum where I feel I was helpful by way of Organising; one to Oxford with Sister D which was quite cold, drizzly, then rainy but the Weston Library was as good as ever and we had lots of time to talk. A more local trip took me to badminton at the height of the snowfall. "This is crazy," I was thinking as I drove at 15mph, slowing down for junctions, trying not to use the brakes and turning corners very carefully. But I needed to play badminton after more than two weeks off, and there wasn't anything like the amount of snow that was forecast, and by the end of the evening it was already sleet and slush.

Cousin M and her son visited from Seattle en route to Spain, and we all met at Maternal Manor and caught up with family history and current goings on, followed by an excellent trip to the Royal Academy of Music in London for a student performance of Trial by Jury. My enlightened music teacher at junior school was quite a character, completely indifferent to the musical limitations of under-11's. He encouraged composition, percussion and harp players (as well as your traditional instruments) and we even had a school orchestra. Together with one of the other teachers he also staged productions of Gilbert & Sullivan operettas. I still remember them - Pirates of Penzance was one, and Trial by Jury was another, where I was chosen as understudy for the part of the Usher. It's now FIFTY years later but some of it was spookily familiar. Anyway, I enjoyed it a great deal.

The official process of moving on from Lola Towers has started with a visit from a representative of an Estate Agent. She found the property bigger than she expected, called the garden 'generous' (which it has never been to me), and showed me comparisons with other local properties that she could find. We agreed on the ballpark figure that might be asked, and the next stage will be a similar visit from a second Estate Agent representative.

Bomber Command

International Bomber Command memorial, Lincoln, October 2025

Since coming back from the retreat, which isn't all that long ago, I have managed to maintain a less busy programme. So far, so good.

So what is significant enough to mention? 

I've been spending quality time watching films and going to a Ukelele concert with Nameless Man. At the moment he is busy setting up a Library of Things, which is where you can borrow items like a hedge trimmer or a long ladder or a set of spanners or a wheelbarrow - things that you don't need very often but are very useful to borrow when you do. He's leased a small shop and together with some local eco-warriors they are fitting it out and acquiring what they need and setting up the necessary socials and webs. I find my chats with him very useful - we share the same fundamental values, I think, so when he's done some research into something I can just follow his lead, and he encourages me to do the right thing. This week I walked to Morrisons to do my shopping rather than driving.

The music group has started up for a new term, and the baritone sax parts for two of the five pieces have not a semiquaver rest all the way through - I have to say I find this kind of arrangement tiresome. Muscles the Personal Trainer and regular badminton continue to help me improve my physical state, and there was great news at the optician where nothing has deteriorated for a year. For mental exercise I've managed to attend the U3A board games group and a day at the Birmingham Buddhist Centre on the subject of ethics.

Inside the spire

The LTRP continues with a bit of remedial plumbing and - at last - a visit from the recommended roofer to look at the stained patch of ceiling in the porch, and some more areas of concern in the hall. He had a good look and his verdict is that most of the problem is condensation, and the bit that isn't condensation is probably due to the construction of the turret over the front door. I tend to agree with him, so I can deal with this in the spring.

In other acronym news, I've been on a coach trip to the IBCC with the U3A. This is the International Bomber Command Centre, which is a memorial site in Lincoln dedicated to all those killed in WW2 who were working for Bomber Command, which I discovered was one part of the RAF (other parts included Transport Command, Fighter Command, Training etc.) I signed up for the trip because I know so little about this recent history of ours; other people I met on the trip were already fairly knowledgeable or were going because of a relative or friend who served. 

The memorial and exhibition was established fairly recently - it opened in 2018, and was well worth the visit. We had a guide who pitched his talk slightly higher than my level, but I still learned a great deal from him and from the exhibition there. Targeting civilian populations with bombs in order to destroy morale is certainly not an ethical issue that is confined to WW2.

View of Lincoln Cathedral behind ceramic poppies laid out in the shape of a Lancaster Bomber

Partying and Promming

The Royal Albert Hall, August 2025

A while ago I wrote about replacing a bent wheel on my car - fun times. Well, just to complete that particular anecdote and give credit where it's due, I managed to drop the car off for an hour during the Folk Festival so they could change the wheel and swap over the tyre, and when I went to pick it up they wouldn't take any payment. They will have my loyal custom for the rest of my life (at least until I no longer have a car).

I've been having quite a varied time since the festival. I had a birthday party! This hasn't happened for at least 30 years, so quite a significant step in my journey towards self-worth. I found a local vegan café that I hadn't been aware of before (but will definitely re-visit) who prepared some buffet food, and I created a playlist of party music that Muscles my Personal Trainer described as 'hard not to dance to' but in the event it could not be heard over the chat. There were 16 local guests who seemed to be very comfortable with one another, and it was a lovely occasion. I'm not sure I can be bothered to do it again, but then again having done it once it might be easier next time, and maybe I'd hold it at a weekend and invite people from further afield.

Next day I went down to visit mum and took her to an appointment with the nurse at her GP's surgery, where she knows everyone and they all know her. She is doing her own form of GRUHI, and managed to interest one of the GPs in dad's old-fashioned mercury sphygmomanometer and five boxes of his old medical textbooks, some dating back to the 1950s, which we took to the surgery. So that's another shelf of books dealt with.

From there I went on to Lola II and Mr M's house - they are on a mammoth tour of north Japan in a camper van that they have named Alan*. They aren't coming back for another couple of weeks and so my job was to make sure the house is still standing and water the plants while having a weekend in That London. I feel very pleased with myself that although I filled two days of the three I was visiting, I kept one whole day free of commitments, which has allowed me leisure to write this blog post among other things. But I did go into town on the other two days and visited the Bank of England Museum, went to the Proms with a friend from school, and visited the North London Buddhist Centre for meditation and a couple of talks.

The Proms was interesting - my friend is a London resident who has played the clarinet since school (that's how we became friends) and is part of all sorts of musical activities, some of which date back to those schooldays. [I found it amusing that some of our contemporaries are still singing in what was the Youth Choir, now named 'Youth Choir Veterans'.] Anyway, she invited me to the Prom which started with a piece I'd never heard but very much enjoyed ('Chairman's Dance' from the opera 'Nixon in China'), and then a piece that I'd never heard but was OK (Rachmaninov's 4th Piano Concerto). His 2nd was such a banger that it was never going to top that. After the interval was something that I'd describe as frankly awful (Berio's Sinfonia), which included voices (wailing and speaking as well as singing), and not much that was tuneful. A lot of fans made it clear that they were there for the pianist and then left in the interval - they probably got the best deal.

* Alan Touring (geddit?)

Oh, the irony

Bear and ragged staff, Lord Leycester Hospital, March 2025

I've been away on retreat for a week, a different sort of retreat that involved classical musicians. It was quite hard work, because aside from the scheduled times that we met and talked there were other times when we played to each other or practised, alone or in groups. There were eight of us, although one person had managed to sign up and join the retreat despite not being a musician at all. This started off as a bit of an issue, but she served as our audience for much of the time. The instruments included two violins, classical guitar, flute, clarinet, a singer, and two pianists, one of whom is a real live composer and performer, so that was quite exciting.

There was another large group of people at the retreat centre at the same time and we staged a performance for them, which added to the amount of stress and work involved. There was audience involvement in the form of singing rounds, and I accompanied a singer by playing a violin part on the clarinet for a strange setting of a folk song by Holst, which had bars of various lengths between 3 and 8 beats, very much at random as far as I could tell. And, somehow (and I'm still baffled as to how I let this happen) I ended up transposing my part even though the singer could easily have sung a tone lower. 

I also featured in a quartet playing three Handel trios that were written for recorders but we played on two violins, flute and clarinet. This was the highlight of the evening for me, because while we began each piece together, very soon everything started to fall apart and as the person with the most experience of this type of ensemble playing I had to try and work out how to get us to end together. It still makes me smile when I think about it. The audience, needless to say, were very supportive.

So that was the retreat. In other news, UJ is back from a stint in Kyiv, I'm still avoiding all news media, the car passed its MOT, I'm still volunteering on Tuesdays at the Birmingham Buddhist Centre, and I took a car load of garden waste and GRUHI boxes to the tip and to the recycling centres. But I suppose I'm avoiding the most significant event, which arose from a visit to my GP. Having reached an age with a zero at the end, I thought it would be a good idea to have a general check-up. She measured my blood pressure, which was good and low, and sent me off for routine blood tests.

I phoned up for the results because they didn't appear on the NHS app or my GP's online platform, and the receptionist was happy to send them through. I was expecting bad news on the cholesterol front, but while not perfect that was fine. What I wasn't expecting was a blood sugar result that put me in the pre-diabetic zone. Ironic, no? So I must finally take seriously the fact (which I have probably known for some months) that despite my badminton and Muscles the Personal Trainer the chocolate, Wotsits and cake have taken their toll. Now to attempt to follow the advice I would have given to my patients...

Downs and ups and downs

Lord Leycester Hospital, Warwick, March 2025

At mum's house she has discovered that water is leaking under the kitchen floor. We've noticed for some time that the paint on one of the walls kept mysteriously bubbling, and various other leaks have come about and been addressed over the years. This may be a new leak or a continuation of a previous one, but now we have started the process of investigation. It is proceeding much more slowly than is ideal, but there's a lot of waiting for people to respond.

My concert went off with the impossible saxophone part and the clarinet solo going as well as can be hoped for. It's been a while since I've needed to try particularly hard on the clarinet, and it really reminded me of the joy of making it sound as good as possible. I have added another item to one of my lists - I'd like to raise my game and play music at a higher standard than I can in the current group. This cannot happen until I give up something else, and given everything that's going on this may be some way off...

...because I'm still doing too much, and this week it caught up with me and started to actually make me feel unwell, to the extent that I took a Covid test just in case. It was negative, but that just confirmed that this situation isn't arising from external factors but from my own choices. I talked this over with two different groups of close friends, and thankfully one of these discussions allowed me to give away one of my commitments: someone else volunteered to support our introductory course on Meditation and Buddhism in my place. The following morning my head felt fresher and my aches and pains had disappeared. Perhaps I have learned my lesson. Until the next time.

My recovery in mood was short-lived because the people who rent us the hall for our group notified us that not only had we managed to leave the back door wide open, but also the key was now missing. At the time of writing it has not yet been found.

A Whale of a Time

April 2025

Apart from the tourist trip to Warwick and the badminton volunteering, there have been a couple of other notable events recently. Following a pessimistic dental appointment I made a return visit to the periodontist, who agreed with the poor prognosis on two sites and recommended further 'regenerative' surgery of the sort that I had before (three years ago), but this time with extra bone graft. I really don't know what to think about all this - I can afford the fees and it probably helps to keep my teeth in my jaw, but it's a most unpleasant procedure and eventually they are bound to come out, so why prolong the treatment? Something to think about when the next crisis arrives.

I went on a day trip to Oxford to pick up Sister D and on to the University's Harcourt Arboretum, which (as you'd expect) has very fine trees, and we generally caught up with each other and had some serious and helpful conversations - helpful to me at least. I'm still dealing with a couple of mum's financial affairs which keeps Sister D and me busy trying to interpret mystifying correspondence and acquiring evidence of identity and address and signatures of everyone in the family.

Then I went on a solitary retreat that was longer than I've done before (12 days), taking all the food I'd need as well as getting jobs done before I went. UJ was in Ukraine for a few weeks and returned while I was away, so there was some anticipatory cleaning and tidying needed. I had a very thoughtful and fruitful time, meditating, walking, reading, reflecting and studying (in preparation for another, more academic retreat in September), but also doing nothing. The time flew by.

A couple of weeks before I went away on the retreat I had started a self-imposed news blackout - have I mentioned this? The news, especially in the USA, Ukraine/Russia and Gaza/Israel, had become too much for me to bear with equanimity, so I stopped watching, listening to, and reading any news media except for Radio 4 comedy and a couple of podcasts. Obviously on retreat I was completely offline, and spent quite a bit of time pondering whether to go back to the news on my return, and if so, how to achieve the right balance of staying informed without being overwhelmed.

I went for a walk with a friend this week, and was going to ask him to tell me in the briefest terms what I needed to know. He very quickly demonstrated that news has no boundaries, and even the most innocuous event is linked in many ways to other events that I would not wish to hear about. So I have concluded that it isn't possible, and have continued to be completely ignorant of all news, both domestic and foreign, and even stopped subscribing to the news podcasts (although I've continued with Radio 4 comedy). It's a strange, unnerving place to be, a bit like driving while wearing a blindfold. 

Up to now I considered it my duty to stay informed, and not doing so seems somehow irresponsible, or negligent, but several responsible and not-negligent people I've talked to say that they don't keep up to date with the news, although a couple of them said they sometimes feel stupid for not knowing what's going on. So I'm trying to let go of my self-view, and, for the time being at least, to focus on the fact that it's not only possible but preferable to step off the relentless cycle of doom and gloom, pain and ignorance, injustice and grief.

A couple of happier stories to finish with. I went to a delightful concert in a Leamington church which involved an adult choir, a choir of primary school girls, a small group of musicians and two solo vocalists, performing arrangements of two Kinks albums with the support and encouragement of Ray Davies (lead vocalist of the Kinks). I knew about it because one of the people involved in the LETS local trading scheme was singing in the choir, but in the queue for tickets I met one of my music group whose husband was also in the choir, and Nameless Man was also there (I'd told him about it but he wasn't sure he would go), and then I met the man in charge of my U3A board games group who turned out to know the LETS woman because they were neighbours and both trustees of the community centre where the Repair Café happens, and then I bumped into an ex-colleague from my last career but one.

The other lovely thing is that UJ brought me a present from Ukraine of a lamp she has made in the shape of a whale.

A very ordinary week

Dovecote, Kyre Hall Park, October 2024

There's been nothing special to report for the whole week, in which I did all the things that I regularly do, and a few optional extras, and it was all fine.

• the weekly shop
• the U3A board games group
• a candlelit vigil in town to commemorate three years of the war in Ukraine
• Monday evening badminton
• a GRUHI trip to the tip and to Action 21 with all the electrical junk
• watched a film at home
• Tuesday evening Buddhists
• visit to mum
• a session with Muscles (my personal trainer)
• a bonus massage (because I'm worth it)
• Thursday evening badminton
• the U3A ramble
• a Buddhist team meeting via Zoom
• the Repair Café LETS trading table to try and get rid of more stuff (nobody wanted anything)
• my music group (I have been given a big solo this term)
• watched another film at home
• did nearly all the necessary routine admin
• a film at the cinema to end the week.

I do try to find interesting content for this blog, but there really isn't any this week. I'm looking forward to warmer weather - I find February the cruellest month. Daffodils are appearing in the garden and the paving is invisible under its blanket of weeds. So, much the same as every year.

Concert

Les Arcs, February 2024

Things are going to calm right down at last, with some days coming up having only one thing in them, and Friday to Sunday having nothing at all, which is probably a record. UJ will have gone back home to Kyiv so I'm looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet, in which I intend to do some walking if the weather is fine, and watching films. There may be nothing to blog about.

Meanwhile, our concert took place, for which my practice paid off and I experienced no significant embarrassments. It was different from our usual concert because we joined up with a small orchestra called Eclectica, which seemed similar to Lola II's music group. We (Coventry Arts' flutes, saxophones and clarinets) played the first half, there was an interval with tea and cakes, then Eclectica started the second half and we all came together for three Christmas pieces at the end. 

I loved the discipline of the orchestra, which reminded me of my school days. They tuned properly at the start, nobody chatted, they paid attention to the conductor... There are all sorts of tiny annoyances within our group - people parping when others are trying to tune (on the rare occasions when we do tune), people not having their music in order, everyone having to wait while someone finds a pencil, or drops a pencil, people chatting while another section is running through something, people just not listening then asking where we're playing from... There's one woman in particular who starts talking as soon as we stop playing and then invariably doesn't know where we're starting from. But despite these little issues I do enjoy the end result, most of the time.

Playing the baritone sax is quite tiring compared to the clarinet, and I had quite a lot to play so I wasn't sure I'd manage to make it to the end of the mass items. There was always going to be scope for miming among that number of people, but because of the break in the middle I carried on playing through to the very end. It was a very successful event in a much better venue than our usual cramped and freezing church - we were in a school hall with a stage - and the audience was much bigger than ours usually is. It was even accessible by train so UJ came along together with a man she's been seeing, who seemed very nice.

Smoke and mirrors

Tate Modern, November 2024

As well as the Assisted Dying event, I spent a lovely couple of days with Lola II and Mr M. We started with an Egyptian lunch in Knightsbridge - I was a bit early so popped into Harvey Nichols out of interest. I only went up to the food department, and concluded that it isn't a shop that I belong in at all. Then we went on to the Tate Modern, specifically for an art installation which beamed shapes of light in a dark room onto screens, and filled the room with haze so the passage of the light through the room could be seen. It was quite fun to play with the installation, although I really don't understand Art, especially Modern Art. It was also pretty expensive even though one of us got in for free thanks to an Art Pass.

Next day Lola II took me to an Art café where we each painted a small canvas. Looking at mine up close I didn't think it was all that good when I finished it, and I wasn't going to take it home. But when I was washing brushes across the room Lola II told me to look back at it, and it looked much better from a distance, so it is now in Lola II's house until such time that I can collect it - I wasn't about to take it with me to the demo and then onto the train.

Back home again, I went to visit my new friend (still nameless for the purposes of this blog) who fell off his bike and ended up in hospital with a broken hip. They gave him a hip replacement and sent him home after four days, when he was already able independently to make me a cup of tea - I brought cakes. We marvelled at our amazing National Health Service while also mourning its huge deficiencies.

Great progress for mum too, where we managed to replace her 2G phone with an almost identical 4G one, and she also achieved a price reduction of £7 by insisting on paying the price displayed on the shelf rather than what came up on the till. I am much less assertive that she is in shops, although I would say that she is a little too assertive on certain facts than she should be - the Blue Badge was not in the cupboard where she said it was, so there. Not until writing this did I realise that we could have parked in the disabled bays even without a badge - I think my assertiveness needs work.

I've had a few long, full days, but have been a bit more successful than previously at building in gaps between them, to the extent of not going on my Friday morning U3A walk because Thursday and Saturday had so much in them. This was the right decision. On Saturday I volunteered to staff the Leamington LETS stall at the local Repair Café on a day so filled with wind and rain so that hardly anyone came, then went straight on to my last music group rehearsal before the concert next week. The music this term has been so challenging that I've actually had to practise both saxophone and clarinet parts, which is probably a first for this group.

On Sunday, UJ announced that she'd joined a choir, something she's been thinking of doing for a while, and their carol service was taking place that afternoon, so I went along. She seems to have joined the Parish Church choir, which is somewhat surprising (she did say there was quite a lot of talking about God). The service was sparsely attended, which was a shame because I love belting out a Christmas carol among other enthusiasts. Unfortunately the bits between the carols reminded me why I really don't get on with Christianity.

Now I am 60

Then I was 8

My significant birthday has been and gone with very little fuss. It was hot, I went for a walk but spent the day mostly at home. The next day I went to visit mum to get some more of the admin done, but first we had to get her to a clinic appointment and then took advantage of the proximity to Lidl to give her the opportunity to do some shopping in person. As dad had acquired lactose intolerance in the last few years, mum has been enjoying the opportunity to indulge in dairy produce again and we came home with three kinds of cheese.

The admin seems to grow each time I look at it. Unfortunately, as I pick up the different strands we seem to uncover conflict each time - in addition to the fight with Thames Water about their overcharging for the period when we had a leak, we're in conflict with an investment company and now possibly also the Burial Society that arranged dad's funeral. Then there's the routine stuff that just comes around every year - household insurance, a new gas and electricity contract, broadband, servicing the stairlift, the Lifeline pendant for communicating in an emergency, and on and on. I am starting to recognise where I need to pass things over where before I imagined I would be doing it all.

After visiting mum I went on to pick up Lola II and Mr M and bring them to Leamington for a few days. Mr M had to work for some of the time, but he joined us for meals. Lola II and I went for a lovely walk with friends, and then an organ concert in the local church with a student organist who looked much too young to be out on his own. Then I had to get home for a couple of phone calls, one of which was with Mr MXF who has kindly passed on one of his old phones but needed to help me to unlock it.

I needed a newer phone because various apps had started telling me that they would no longer run on my old one. The transfer process wasn't too bad except that at one point I lost concentration and all of my past WhatsApp messages disappeared. Luckily this isn't a disaster, in fact it's barely an inconvenience. Given the state of the old phone's screen protector, an early priority is to get similar protection for the new one.

At the weekend, the Art in the Park festival was taking place in town. I'm sure this event has happened for many years, but somehow I've never been - it's huge, and full of all kinds of artistry from photography to an art-producing bicycle via jewellery, spray paint, oil, watercolour, collage and almost everything you can think of. We saw about half of it, and I was going to go back for the second day but had too much to do at home.

One of the reasons for Lola II's visit was to help me get some jobs done that are difficult to start on my own - they just need a bit of encouragement, or go easier with two of us working together. We started with my old iPod, which used to mean more to me than it does now - it has become redundant since Audible discontinued the app that allowed me to download podcasts onto it.* It will eventually go onto ebay but I need a period of 10 days when I'm at home so I can manage bids and postage and that isn't happening until September. While I was grappling with that, Lola II cleaned my windows!

[* Since then I've started using Spotify for both podcasts and books and cancelled my Audible subscription altogether, so who's the loser?]

And finally I had a non-birthday treat which ended up feeling like a birthday treat because sisters and friends came with me for lunch at my favourite Café Soya in Birmingham followed by a performance of the musical 'Hamilton'. It was quite a spectacle, which was lucky because there are a lot of words and it was quite difficult to follow the plot. Some of our party had seen it before and others had done some homework, but I now feel the need to go and listen while reading the lyrics to catch up on the bits I might have missed.

Summer at last

Adhisthana, June 2024

UJ returned from her trip back home late in the evening and I was away to the retreat centre first thing next morning, so we didn't meet. Apart from her outstanding command of English degenerating a little to just being excellent, she seemed to be very well and made supper for me a few days later when I got back. Most of the time, however, we operate separately as she works during the day and barely emerges from her room until late evening and I am usually doing something else by then. We watch TV together by appointment.

I had just two days back home this time between stints at Adhisthana. One of my tasks within this period was to get the car through its MOT, which it managed on the second attempt after failing because of a seized rear brake calliper that also damaged the brake disk. That day also contained my board games group, which I continue to enjoy a great deal. 

The following day I spent with Lola II in Oxford - we had plans for several things to do as well as going to the Weston Library for its latest exhibitions, but we ought to know by now that after we've set aside time for talking there's often little time for anything else. We managed one exhibition, which was about Franz Kafka. I learned that he had a full-time job in insurance and only wrote in his spare time, he never married but was engaged three times (twice to the same woman), and he died in 1924 of consumption, outlived by his parents.

Then back to Adhisthana for my last week, and all of a sudden I had too much work to do, so there are a couple of threads dangling that I might have to deal with from home. Those last three days also included perfect weather, a summer solstice barbeque and a retreat for classical musicians, which led to me finding out that one of the women's community plays the flute. I managed to remember to take my clarinet and a book of duets, and we got together to play one evening.

The end of any service to the Adhisthana community is marked with modest celebration that includes snacks at the morning tea break and a round of 'rejoicing' -  many people gather and anybody can chip in and say something nice about you. I find it difficult to endure the attention, despite all the lovely things that are said. They also gave me presents - I asked for perishables only (nothing that I have to clean or dust), so I got a bar of chocolate, some incense, and a 'voucher' for any Adhisthana retreat in the next year.

So then it was home again in time to prepare for a visit by The Bursar and The Quiet Man. The Bursar was planning to run in the Leamington Spa Half Marathon on Sunday but hadn't done enough preparation, and The Quiet Man is having time off due to injury, so they didn't run but both came to visit anyway. The weather was probably too hot for comfortable running but perfect for showing them the beauty of the town, having an ice cream and sitting in the garden.

On stage again

Somewhere in Devon, June 2023

The excitement of the unexpected gig lessened after a week, and it was time for the summer concert for my clarinet and saxophone groups. The clarinet numbers were very depleted this term for some reason, and the performance was decidedly ropey but we got through it; the saxophones were somewhat better although I was partly liable for the poor performance of the difficult piece that I should have practised. 

But my performance at the unexpected gig had clearly been noted because the soul band were lacking a sax player again, and this time for the best gig of the year - the Kenilworth Lions Club's open air event in Abbey Fields. The soul band has been the closing act for the last two years, and there I was on stage again. I enjoyed it more this time, given that I was not quite sight reading and could pay a bit more attention to what everyone else was doing. And there were three people in the audience that I knew, and it went onto Facebook and more people commented.

A little less fun is the fight that I am having with Thames Water on behalf of mum and dad, who experienced a major water leak in the autumn last year. I have reached the end of the line with the normal helpdesk people and it's time to escalate up a level; I have the feeling that it may take some time to reach a satisfactory resolution.

Then I was back at Adhisthana, the retreat centre, for a five-day stint this time because they asked for an extra two days help in the kitchen. Another new cook to work with, a delightful young man who probably had the least tolerant attitude of anyone I've worked with so far to the aversions and allergies and intolerances and craziness of the people on restricted diets. On this retreat one or two people must have thought that we were professionals paid to cater to their whims rather than volunteers struggling to avoid serious illness in the retreatants.

I'm getting more used to living in the women's community, and joined them informally more than usual - I often have 'business' to do in the evenings catching up with emails and other things going on at home so don't tend to sit chatting in the lounge. It was also useful this week to be able to talk at greater length to a couple of the more experienced women about the path towards Buddhist ordination and also about the experience of living communally with all sorts of different women over the years. I'm very attracted to the simplicity of having few possessions and not being responsible for running a house, but the randomness of the other people I'd have to live with is probably more than I could take.

I'm third from the left!

Sight-reading on stage

Adhisthana, May 2024

I've done two weeks of all sorts of stuff, and I don't like this blog to turn into a diary, so here are just a few highlights. At the retreat centre - the schedule of work I've been given that relies on other people is about two weeks behind already and I don't know when I'll be able to start compiling the information for the print programme of retreats in 2025. Everything that doesn't rely on other people is on time and going well, as I'm sure you'd expect.

I went to the Birmingham Buddhist Centre for two days aimed at those of us who lead or support the teaching of meditation on introductory courses. Only Order Members lead the courses at the Birmingham Centre; in our little local group we don't have any Order Members so we all have to step up and chip in. Both were good days, and I learned a few things that will probably help in future. There are more sessions planned and I'm looking forward to them.

Order Members from Birmingham do sometimes come and lead our group for an evening, and we had such a visitor recently. I usually invite them and the team who support the group to supper beforehand - they get a meal and also less stress of being delayed by traffic. This one was a diagnosed and very sensitive coeliac - no problem, you'd think, to an ex-dietitian. I made a Thai salad with tofu and a potato salad, and it went down very well. We went out to the hall, did the introductions, started the meditation, and it was at that point that my mind suddenly reminded me that there is gluten in soy sauce... He was very gracious and texted me the next day to reassure me that he hadn't suffered. The amount was so small that I was lucky to get away with it.

One of my very oldest friends is someone I met on my first day at school when we were both five years old. His parents live about five minutes walk from mine, and we were in and out of each others' houses quite a bit during our school days when we both lived there. We've kept in touch, on and off, for 54 years, and last week his father died. I attended the funeral, which was held at the Jewish cemetery next door to the one mum took me to (where she wants to be buried, or scattered, or whatever). I discovered that the prayers are etched into my mind after all those years of synagogue attendance in my youth. And, as usual, someone at the event knew my mother.

My music group is still going, although this term for some reason the clarinet group barely has enough people to cover all the parts. The sax group is better attended, but still not as many people as usual. Anyway, I was recruited into this group by a friend from badminton who plays baritone sax with me, but he also plays trombone in a soul band. He recruited the chap who leads the music group into the soul band when they were running short in the horn section. And this week the band had a local gig but were short of a person to play trumpet or sax.

So with no notice at all I joined them on stage and sight-read the tenor sax part! It was tremendous fun but extremely tiring - I'd already played for 3 hours in the music group in the afternoon, and we were still playing encores at 11.30pm. I shouldn't complain, the audience was terrific, they even gave me some money, but then there was all the clearing up and I didn't get home until well after midnight. My sleep pattern was thoroughly messed up for the next two days, but it was worth it.

A different blog

Adhisthana, April 2024

One of the main things I'm doing in my volunteering job is blogging, for which I do feel well qualified. It's a relatively new development for the retreat centre, having started a monthly blog just this year. So I can start my week by wandering around the site taking pictures of the spring flowers on a morning when the sunshine makes everything look its best. Or when the mist adds atmosphere to the burial mound.

The text content of the blog is more challenging, given that I'm not there all the time and not integrated into the community well enough to know what exactly is going on that's blogworthy. But there are people to ask, and my first attempt seems good enough. After it was published on the website I posted links on Facebook and another online site, which is quite complicated and has the potential for mishap, but again I think I managed it without incident (57 'likes' and counting).

This month behind the scenes there's been a lot of new technology, updating cabling from the 1980's that links all the buildings and should make it possible to maintain and manage the heating system in a 21st century way. And there's a big project to install rooftop solar panels - when I arrived this week the scaffolding was going up.

I discovered I had a flat tyre just at the point when I'd offered to give someone a lift from the retreat centre to the station at the end of the week. Luckily someone else was on hand to provide them with a lift, they caught their train, and it wasn't too late for me to get to a garage after I'd changed to the spare tyre.

Back home, my music group went ahead on Saturday and despite knowing how tricky the sax pieces are I still didn't bother to practise. But it will be fine. I did two sessions in the garden, weeding the paving and cutting back shrubs in the fine weather, but there's more to be done there. On Bank Holiday Monday I drove to see friends in Nottingham for the day, and on Tuesday I had another appointment at the orthodontist and a blood donation, which was unexpectedly dramatic when my donation continued at the squash-and-biscuits table. I was fine but my trousers and fleece were liberally spattered and I think some blood ended up on the biscuits too. It was spectacular, but it's the first time this has happened in more than 50 donations so probably unlikely to recur.

So far in February

Adhisthana, May 2023

Lots of stuff since I last wrote, but none of it worthy of more meaningful consideration than a series of bullet points (except perhaps the last, but that's all it's getting).

• I visited my regular dental hygienist on her last day of work at the practice, and was happy to show her the good results of all the treatment I've been having. She was genuinely delighted and offered me a hug. I've never been hugged at the dentist before, so that's a first.
• A call to renew acquaintance with Mr MXF and a new job that involves testing some training materials he's developed. I broke the system within seven minutes simply by uploading a picture of a cake, and he thanked me for finding a weakness he'd never have thought of.
• Film recommendation: All Of Us Strangers, which I went to with UJ. She can cope well when there are subtitles but not so much in the cinema or with accents, so she missed one of the key plot points. I loved this film even more than Poor Things which I also saw with her and which was more of a spectacle and less nuanced. She preferred Poor Things, maybe because it was easier to understand despite being Mad.
• Buddhism: a morning at the Birmingham Centre as well as the usual Tuesday evenings, where we welcomed a visitor from Adhisthana (aka Triratna HQ, the retreat centre where I have been volunteering) and I realised how much I miss having an Order Member here so I can ask those tricky questions. I'm delighted that he'll be coming for two more weeks.
• The music group has started again with a few good arrangements as well as a couple of tedious pop songs. Each month I sigh at having committed to this before setting off anyway, and return with a spring in my step having thoroughly enjoyed myself and wondering how I might fit in some more clarinet and sax playing, and conclude that I'd definitely have to give up something else.
• Shrove Tuesday pancake mask competition - last year was my first attempt at this, but this year the theme was a more difficult one. I managed to put in an entry though. Judging is on 2nd March.
• U3A walking group - I'm enjoying this a great deal, despite Friday's walk being a lot more muddy than expected which made the going a bit tough. The leader slipped over and cut his hand quite badly on barbed wire, another person complained a little too often about the mud, and I accidentally opened a conversation about Brexit that perhaps wasn't appropriate, but we all survived. The U3A board games group is good too.
• Badminton - a match on Thursday left me a bit achy and tired before the difficult walk on Friday. I always end up trying harder and stretching more for a match compared with a club night, and I'm definitely not as young as I was. A couple of times I've left before the club night has ended, which my younger self would have found inconceivable. Still, I'll carry on playing until I can't play any more because walking is good exercise but nowhere near as much fun as swatting a shuttlecock in a big room.
• Visiting parents - the downstairs shower room conversion is going well and looks very nice, although the basin has accidentally been installed about 10cm higher than it should have. What with everyone in the family being short and  in some cases getting shorter this needs to be remedied. Mum and I picked out a new bathroom cabinet, and I put a couple of things no longer needed onto Freecycle.
• The tenth Random Chairs in a Darkened Room Film Festival hosted by Mr M and Lola II took place at the weekend, with six of the eight films being chosen by myself and another friend. Best film (in my opinion): Calvary (2014). It was the usual splendid event with many visitors, lots of food, ice creams and popcorn, wonderful trailers and shorts before the main screening, and I was given a shiny badge to wear designating my status as Guest Curator.

Music and words

Madeira Botanical Garden, Funchal, November 2022

I've been grappling with decisions about playing music and podcasts and audiobooks. I listen to a lot of these, pretty much all the time, and the ways I've done it have changed with the times. If this doesn't interest you (and why should it?) I suggest you skip this post. It will be very boring.

Once upon a time I just had a HiFi system that played terrestrial radio stations, vinyl records, CDs and cassette tapes, and I borrowed books on tape. There was a radio in the kitchen, and a radio, CD player and cassette player in the car. All lovely and analogue (or what I'll call 'old-fashioned' digital in the case of CDs).

Next came iTunes and the iPod, which moved music onto the computer and made it more portable. I acquired a cassette-shaped gadget that let me play the iPod through the car radio, and a base station with a speaker in the kitchen. I loaded all my music CDs into iTunes, and Audible let me put my audiobooks on there too, so I could listen to music and books in the car, in the kitchen and on headphones. using just the iPod.

Things changed in the living room with the advent of universal WiFi. I fell heavily for Spotify and Google Chromecast, which fed WiFi into the back of the old amp in the living room so I could stream music as well as play the old records and CDs (the cassette player having long since given up the ghost). And the new networked television with sound bar has a Spotify app built in.

Then the amp started to fail - it was 40 years old, so I can't blame it. I replaced it with a super wireless-enabled amp that connects and coordinates new speakers in the kitchen and upstairs as well as the old speakers in the living room. I can still play CDs but the turntable and tuner aren't connected any more. At some point I'd really like to digitise a few special albums that aren't available elsewhere, but I am starting to accept the fact that it may never happen.

Things continue to change. Audible stopped being available for Windows so I couldn't load books onto my iPod any more. Then the ancient iPod started to get a little bit flaky in terms of battery life, and I had to find a new way of playing music and podcasts and books in the house and on the move, and I was forced to consider the phone replacing the iPod.

Audible has a phone app for the books, and then Spotify started to include podcasts and books as well as music within my subscription. So CDs and Spotify supply my music and podcast needs in the home, except for a couple of BBC podcasts that have to go through BBC Sounds. 

I was on an incredibly cheap but very stingy data plan for the phone, so I wasn't able to use Spotify in the car. I found a free podcast player (Player FM) that auto-downloads my unplayed episodes, but as a result of joining the U3A walkers I've been drawn into updating my phone data plan so I can use a phone-based satnav. The next stage might be to ditch Player FM and simplify things to just Spotify and the Audible phone app. I might need a new phone.

It's time to sell the iPod Classic. The end of an era.

Just like old times

Kew Gardens, October 2022

It's been a week like it was in the old days, when I optimistically used to fill my diary on the basis that I don't have to go to work so I must have lots of time, and then I find that I don't. All the things I've done have been fun or helpful or both, but I need to remember to keep some days free of commitments because I was too tired for badminton and that will not do.

Since the last post I've played in a badminton match, went for a walk with the U3A, and did some work for Mr MXF which consisted of chatting to a young man in the television department of Currys to find out what his knowledge and experience is of HDR, one of the standards used in media and TV. Then with a clear conscience I journeyed south for the Mr MXF Christmas party, which involved playing board games, receiving party bags containing chocolate and toys, dinner, speeches (short ones), Secret Santa, and then back to the MXF/BL2 house to watch Barbie on his new super-TV and sound system.

On my way back north I dropped in on Lola II and Mr M for lunch and a film, next day I went for a dog walk with a friend, board games with U3A, gave blood, fitted in a meeting for coffee with my friend from Brazil who has come home to try and sort out some financial stuff, drove to mum and dad for lunch and admin (ongoing communication with Thames Water in particular) and home in time for a Blues gig at my favourite Temperance bar.

Next day I met Lola II in Oxford, a bit later than planned because she had an senior moment which led to her finding herself at Heathrow airport by mistake. But we had a lovely lunch in a friendly pub and went to the Weston Library again - they have really interesting exhibitions, this time about Chaucer, the Alphabet and John Playford ('The Dancing Master').

Then I was back with the U3A walkers before being visited by Sister D and her husband, who treated me to a poinsettia and a curry and I treated them to an episode of Taskmaster (an old episode) and a bed for the night. They carried on to their destination while I had my Christmas concert. Due to the absence of a few key players I ended up sight reading the 4th clarinet parts which had a few unexpected solos, but I managed not to let the side down.

UJ returned from her trip to Kyiv two weeks ago, but Saturday was the first evening that we were both at home, so we caught up with a couple of the latest Taskmaster episodes. She's off again in about a week and I'm not sure we'll have any other evenings together before she goes. Then there was a coffee morning social with the Buddhists on Sunday morning, two Buddhist-related Zoom meetings as well as the usual Tuesday evening meetings. Thankfully, next week is due to be much quieter.

Going out

Kew Gardens, October 2022

Mum celebrated her 91st birthday without incident. There was no cake! and no presents! but we were there and she enjoyed it, except for the bit when dad outlined his demands of the hoist manufacturer. To be fair, I didn't enjoy that bit either so mum and I retired to the kitchen while Lola II and Sister D had a good time with him and the hoist.

I've been going out locally a bit more than usual, with two local comedy nights and Mozart's Requiem (plus three settings of the Miserere) in the Parish Church. I even went with other people on two of the three outings (badminton/Buddhist friends). Unusually, I didn't enjoy the comedy all that much. Reginald D. Hunter didn't seem to have his heart in it and Bridget Christie did a lot of material about older women (work, representation on screen, menopause), but I didn't altogether agree with her point of view.

My Monday Buddhism class has had a short break for our teacher's holiday to Cornwall, which allowed me to go to Monday badminton as well as Thursday, and I've had two matches as well, and fallen over twice (clumsily tripping over my own feet). I conclude that I'm quite good at landing because I've escaped with mild bruising, but it's only a matter of time before my post-menopausal bones crumble away and I end up with something worse. It's worth it though.

In the headlines for my teeth there was a visit to the orthodontist where I was scheduled for 'slenderising', which means shaving bits off the tooth enamel to make everything more perfect. After quite a long conversation with the orthodontist we agreed that since my aims for the treatment do not include the perfect smile, tooth enamel is far too valuable to shave bits off just so that I don't have gaps at the gum line. At the dentist this week my hygienist was very pleased with progress and thinks that the aligners have made a big difference.

And I went to a meeting held by the committee of the Warwick Folk Festival. The Team Leader for Communications (where I was a volunteer) is hoping to step away from the role, and they are trying to interest a few of us volunteers in taking it on. Two of us were there and neither of us wants the role, although we don't mind doing a bit more next year. We'll see where that goes. The venue was terrible for the meeting (background noise, poor projection of Zoom and inadequate microphone and speakers) but lunch was excellent, so hooray for priorities.

As I write it is Remembrance Sunday. I'm having a difficult time with the news, and I really need to start avoiding it more completely. UJ is still in Kyiv - I read today that the conflict there has pretty much reached a stalemate, but Zelensky won't negotiate and will certainly run out of resources before Putin does. Politicians in the UK continue to be contemptible, the situation in Gaza is more than I can bear, many African states are enduring civil war, and the thought of Trump winning the election based on current polling feels very much like the beginning of the end of the world.