A Grand Day Out (part 1)

Corinthia Hotel, June 2021

Lola II doesn't approve of how I tell stories. "You can't start there," she says when I begin telling one of the juicy anecdotes of a day spent mucking about. "You have to start at the beginning and tell it in order!" Mr M nodded in agreement. They are a perfect match, both preferring the Long Version of a story while I am sometimes impatient even with the Short Version. Lola II once wanted to tell me about a film, and despite asking for the Short Version I don't think there was a scene left out. I seem to remember an anecdote about Lola II spending a car journey telling mum about a film, and the story lasted as long as the film and almost as long as the journey.

Lola II and I spent a lovely day together in London, and I was made to take photographs and make notes to ensure everything is included. "You used to put much more detail in your blog," Lola II complains. "It was better then. Now there's hardly any of the fun stuff." Well, these blogs don't write themselves, you know. A day spent mucking about can require hours of writing and editing. And I'd like to point out that the last two blog posts that Lola II started to write are still unfinished... but today I'll make an exception, and attempt to write a full account of everything that went on during our day out in London.

The main event was Afternoon Tea at a London hotel, selected by Lola II based on several important criteria: absence of macarons (who on earth likes them?), food selected for flavour rather than appearance (no cakes looking like cars or waistcoats), reasonable rather than outrageous price, and the choux pastries with apricot and pistachio that were on the example menu on the Corinthia hotel's website. Luckily they also appeared on the real menu. [But have I introduced the pastries too soon? They didn't appear until the end of the tea. Forget that I mentioned them.]

We didn't set out all that early, because Lola II had a bit of trouble choosing her outfit. It was a really hot day and we were going to be doing some walking, but we needed to look a little bit smart, and sitting inside air-conditioned hotels can be chilly. In the end Lola II decided to wear a skirt with an item known as the 'clown top' because it has a massive frill down the front, and was bought in a Leamington charity shop when we were looking for something a bit posh but also a bit silly. It was perfect. If I'd had a skirt or light trousers I would have worn those, but I don't, so I had my best work trousers which were too hot for walking, and my Lady Shoes which meant I couldn't have walked far. I carried them in a rucksack so I could change at the hotel and started out wearing shorts and trainers.

[I can't believe I agreed to put everything in. We haven't even left the house and I already need a break.]

Mr M waved us off, and ten seconds later we were back at the front door. Lola II had forgotten to take a mask, I had forgotten to go to the toilet, and then we discovered that Lola II had forgotten her keys. After another false start when we had to go back again for my bag we made it as far as the station. The tube wasn't busy and most people were wearing masks as they should, but it was strange going back underground after such a long time. The local station had been completely rebuilt so was brand new, and Lola II found that routes and lines she used to know well also felt unfamiliar.

First stop in London was John Lewis where I was going to try and select a perfume for myself. We limited ourselves to three 'names' (there are scores to choose from) and sprayed two of each on those cards you're supposed to smell. The assistant was rather taken aback when I described one as smelling like my great aunt, saying rather pitifully, "that's the one that I wear." Lola II tried to reassure her by saying that the great aunt in question was a grand old woman who never married, played golf, drank whisky, smoked like a chimney and lived to be nearly 100. It didn't seem to make the assistant feel any better. 

While I was busy with that assistant, another assistant complimented Lola II on our handbags, which are designer fakes that Lola II bought in Malaysia. The assistant told her that she sells for that designer, at which point Lola II abruptly changed the subject.

My patience is almost as short for shopping as it is for long stories so we took a break in the kitchen department because I wanted a replacement stick blender. [Executive decision - I am NOT describing the choice of the stick blender. It is a Bosch one costing £20.] Then Lola II presented me with a 'blind smelling' test where I whittled down the six fragrances to my two favourites, and went back to the perfume department and applied one to each wrist. That's as far as the shopping went - I know the names of the perfumes I liked, but will probably buy one elsewhere. Or maybe I won't get round to it. Shopping is difficult.

Walking along Oxford Street, Lola II noticed a tourist shop selling sweets including large and small packets of Tim Tam biscuits - a favourite of Mr M's. No prices were on display, but a shop assistant provided this information, which was, of course outrageously high. Lola II went ahead and bought a small packet (because he's worth it). [Again, there is more detail to this story, but I can't in all conscience include it - I nearly left this bit out completely. It's just not interesting enough. People spend time reading my blog and I won't stretch their patience too far.]

We were on our way to the National Gallery, where Lola II has made a hobby of learning about particular paintings and then giving short tours to groups of friends and family. Getting inside the building was quite an undertaking - even if you're standing at the door you have to go away and book a timed ticket online which requires you to register an account and click on links in emails... Standing in the shade of an ambulance  for ages fiddling with mobile phones we were nearly knocked down when the back door suddenly opened. At least we would have been looked after by the paramedic who came out.

The two paintings Lola II showed me were 'Triple Portrait of Cardinal de Richelieu' by Philippe de Champaigne and 'The Beach at Trouville' by Claude Monet. Her commentary added some interesting details [so now I think Lola wouldn't want me to reveal the interesting details - these Long Versions are a minefield] but the main problem we faced was that the National Gallery has instituted a one-way system, presumably for Covid reasons. The second painting was earlier in the circuit than the first, which meant we would have had to go round the whole building twice instead of just going back a bit, except that we asked one of the guides for help and we were allowed to follow her against the traffic - she even took away a barrier for a short cut. Following the whole circuit round after the second painting it was still a very long way to get to the exit.

We were now ready for the main event - our Afternoon Tea. But because it's a Long Version, you'll have to wait until the next episode to hear all about that.