Solitary retreat

'Gribbles', March 2023

A solitary retreat is an interesting thing. I've had solitary holidays before, but that just meant going somewhere on my own without any other restrictions on what I do, where I go or whom I speak to. This time the intention was deliberately to see and speak to no one, have no Internet or other broadcast media, and spend time with some Buddhist texts and my own mind for company.

I didn't think this would be a huge challenge because I've often spent days on end without interacting with anyone, but I haven't added the other restrictions before. I consulted anyone who had experience of going on solitary retreat and received wildly conflicting advice, so I just decided for myself how I would arrange it. I would go without Internet - that would be easy - but make it possible to listen to music if I wanted to. I downloaded the talks I planned to listen to, and took the books relating to that topic with me, and my notebooks, and I took one other book for lighter reading, just in case. I borrowed OS maps from the library and took my walking boots. For food I took porridge pots for breakfast, and vegan Soulful Food pots for lunch and supper, with chocolate and crisps to make it a bit less worthy. And that's it.

In the end I didn't listen to any music or read the extra book, and what emerged over the week was that because there wasn't all that much to do and plenty of time to do it, I found myself doing just one thing at a time (plus looking out of the window). Drinking a cup of tea became just that. I focused on brushing my teeth while I was brushing my teeth rather than thinking about what I'd done earlier or what I would be doing next. When one thing was finished, I stopped, sat, looked out of the window, and decided what the next thing would be. I meditated, listened to the lectures, read the textbook, made notes, ate meals, drank tea, went for walks. Life became immensely simple. I even took away all the watches and clocks, so my only clue to the time of day was whether it was light or dark outside.

Despite being in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, the public footpaths weren't all that exciting. The cabin faced an earth bank that was clearly a rabbit warren, and there were cute furry young bunnies to watch through the window while I was drinking tea. The main challenge was the weather. It was unseasonably cold, and while the hut's convection heater worked very well, my feet got a bit cold and I didn't have a hot water bottle. A couple of times I had to run hot water from the shower over my feet to warm them up. Obviously I hadn't been looking at the forecast, so it was a surprise on the last day to be packing up in freezing sleet (it's just visible in the photo) and then be confronted with heavy snow on the road.

There were aspects of the week that I would have liked to replicate at home, but it just isn't possible. There are infinitely more things to do at home, jobs and responsibilities, and I can't stay off the Internet for ever. When would I listen to podcasts if not during mealtimes? And podcasts aren't just meaningless entertainment (although some of them are), I do often learn from them.

So it wasn't long before things returned to normal, although I think it took about three days to catch up with all the messages. Then the week's business started - dentist, optician, doctor, Buddhists, parents, badminton.